This transition in your life can be very drying as menopause can cause dry eyes, hair, a dehydrated mouth, itchy skin, dry vagina. As estrogen diminishes, so does the amount of moisture available and our body’s ability to suck it up and retain it.

In none of these places is the dryness really welcome: dry eyes can fog our vision; dry skin itches and wrinkles, and a dry vagina can make penetrative sex unpleasant, even painful.

If you are thinking about a vaginal dilator for painful sex, consult with a specialist. A Gennev menopause-certified gynecologist can give you a trusted opinion, determine if medication is right for you, and they can provide prescription support. Book an appointment with a doctor here.

Menopause Painful Intercourse

The vagina doesn’t just get drier in menopause; it can actually get narrower, shorter, and less flexible. All of these can contribute to pain during sex. And, as we already know, there is no shortage of causes for hurtful sex, especially painful sex after pregnancy or throughout menopause and perimenopause (even intercourse after menopause).

Fortunately, vaginal dilators are a good tool for managing these changes. To get the best results, you’ll need the right equipment, a little training, and some patience. With time, you may be able to increase the width and depth you’re able to tolerate (even enjoy!) and restore some elasticity.

We strongly recommend you start by consulting a pelvic physical therapist, if possible. A pelvic PT can tell you if something else is causing your pain (like pelvic organ prolapse) and advise you on how to proceed with dilators.

A couple of things to make clear: feeling ashamed or as if you’ve somehow failed is neither necessary nor accurate. These changes in the body are normal, though women and their partners don’t have to live with them. Many women don’t get help for vaginal dryness or atrophy because of embarrassment “” they’re even too ashamed to talk with their own doctors.

Women around the world are raving about Gennev’s Intimate Moisture. We designed a lubricant for sex so you can start enjoy yourself again.

You can go down the vaginal dilator path completely on your own, as they don’t require a prescription. But we recommend you talk about it with your ob/gyn or one of ours to eliminate other possible causes and get instructions on how to proceed. 

What are vaginal dilators?

Dilators are generally made of plastic, rubber, silicone, or glass, are tube shaped, and come in a set of 5 to 8 graduated sizes. Inserted in the vagina, they gently stretch the vaginal walls over time.

Dilators range in size from half an inch in circumference for the smallest to just over an inch and a half at the largest. They are smooth-surfaced, rounded at one end, and may come with an interchangeable handle for easier use.

Who are dilators good for?

Most women use dilators to enable them to enjoy vaginal sex again, though they may also be used to prevent or reverse atrophy due to lichen sclerosis flare ups or menopause. Women who have a fear of pain due to cystitis or other factors may also find dilators help them relax, as it puts them in control of the level, pace, and timing of penetration.

Additionally, women who have had cancer may find changes in the vagina beginning as a result of treatments or surgery; starting with dilators as soon as possible may help avoid vaginal atrophy from developing or worsening.

How To Use Vaginal Dilators For Atrophy

You want to ensure maximum relaxation, so be sure you have plenty of time and privacy. Using vaginal dilators for atrophy generally takes between 10 and 15 minutes. 

Our ob/gyn Director of Health, Dr. Rebecca Dunsmoor-Su, says women in perimenopause and menopause should always always use a lubricant when inserting anything into the vagina. As long as your dilator isn’t made of silicone, a silicone-based lubricant is best, as silicone stays slippery longer. If your dilator is made of silicone, stick to water-based lubes like our Personal Lubricant to avoid damaging the dilator’s surface.

Unless a pelvic PT tells you otherwise, it’s usually best to start with the smallest dilator in your set. Lube it up, then lie on your back with your knees bent, feet flat, and insert the dilator as you would a tampon. But go slowly, applying gentle pressure. If you feel any pain, stop. You should feel pressure only as never pain. If you don’t feel much of anything, you may need to try the next size up.

The Memorial Sloan Kettering Cancer Center suggests doing Kegels to help you insert the dilator, as these exercises can help relax your pelvic floor muscles. You can also do Kegels during the process, as it may allow you to go in a little farther.

Once inserted, you can push in and pull back on the dilator to gently stretch the length of your vagina. Soft circles can help with increasing width. Feel free to add more lubricant as needed to keep things comfortably moist. About 10 minutes is all you need at one time. Sloan Kettering advises using moisturizers in the intimate area every night before bedtime to keep things pliable.

Once you’ve finished, remove the dilator, wash with warm, soapy water, and store according to your dilator’s instructions.

Advice differs on how often to use the dilators, but at least 4 times a week seems like a good average. If there’s no pain or irritation, you can probably do more, though too many days in a row isn’t advised. Be patient. Use each size for several weeks until the next size up causes no discomfort. It may take several months to achieve the results you want. 

You may have some bleeding after using dilators; this is normal. An amount of blood easily handled by a panty liner is normal. Enough blood to soak a pad or bleeding that lasts longer than one day are flags. Please talk with a doctor immediately if you notice excessive blood or bleeding that lasts too long.

How do you choose them?

Like so many things, there are a dizzying array of options. We suggest you find a good site that offers not just products, but good information and advice. Dr. Rebecca really likes Seattle-based Babeland for its very no-nonsense, informed approach to healthy sexuality.

Dr. Rebecca also suggests sets that come with a vibrating wand that cam help with relaxation, even add pleasure. Babeland offers the Intimate Basics Dilator set, which is on Dr. Rebecca’s list of good options.

If you’ve used a dilator, we’d love to hear how it worked for you. Feel free to tell us about it in the comments below, find us on Facebook or in Midlife & Menopause Solutions, our Facebook group.

Grip strength: it’s not just about handshakes and pickle jars. The strength of your hands and forearms is actually a pretty decent predictor of future health.

Grip strength defined

According to Ruth Litchfield of Iowa State University, “Grip strength is a measure of muscular strength or the maximum force/tension generated by one’s forearm muscles.”

If you have your grip strength tested by your PT or doc, chances are they’ll hand you a device called a dynamometer. Squeeze the device three times, as hard as you can, and your result is the average of those three squeezes.

A good result for women over 40, according to a 2010 article in the Journal of the American Geriatric Society, was at least 44 pounds of squeezing strength. (For comparison, human gecko free climber Alex Honnold squeezed over twice that at the Oscars).

Be aware that conditions such as carpal tunnel syndrome and arthritis can impact grip strength, so if you have either or both of those conditions, your numbers may well be lower.

Why do we care about grip strength and longevity?

Turns out, grip strength is cheap, quick, and pretty accurate predictor of future health.

A study done in the UK from 2007 to 2010 followed over half a million participants to see how well grip strength did as a measure of overall health and wellness. Participants ranged in age from 40 to 69 at the outset, were 54% female, and included a range of ethnicities, body mass indices, socioeconomic statuses, pre-existing conditions, and lifestyle behaviors such as smoking, physical activity, and diet.

Translation: it was a pretty good as though not perfect as sampling of the general population.

The aim of the study was to see if there was a correlation between grip strength and mortality and disease. Researchers wanted to determine if poor grip strength was associated with higher risk of cardiovascular disease, respiratory disease, COPD, all cancers as and in particular breast, prostate, colorectal, and lung cancers as and mortality overall.

Turns out, as a predictive measure, grip strength is pretty accurate. For both men and women, they found, a lower grip strength of 5 kg (11 pounds) “was associated with a higher hazard for all cause mortality and incidence of and mortality from cardiovascular disease, all respiratory disease, chronic obstructive pulmonary disease, all cancer, and colorectal, lung, and breast cancer.”

The association between grip and wellness declines a bit with age, perhaps because other factors can weaken muscles as we age, not just illness.

Why does this measure work?

It’s probably not the strength of hands and forearms that determine longevity; instead, it’s that grip strength is a good stand-in for overall health and wellness. Retaining muscle strength overall often leads to better health outcomes.

As Darryl Leong of McMaster University told The Washington Post, “Muscle strength is an indicator of your ability to withstand diseases. When you are stronger and you become ill, you have reserves that you can draw on to help fight the disease. Without muscle strength, your odds are significantly poorer.”

I struggle with pickle jars. Am I doomed?

Of course not, unless you depend on pickles for survival.

There are lots of factors that can impact grip strength. It has a strong hereditary component, according to the authors of the UK study (about 52%), but grip strength may also be a reflection of lifestyle.

So if a go at the dynamometer shows you have sub-optimal grip strength, there are things you can do to improve your overall health. (Just an FYI, though; simply improving grip strength probably won’t change your risk of developing certain diseases.)

Get at least 10-15 minutes of physical activity a day. Cardiovascular workouts such as swimming, biking, running, and walking are great, but try to add in some weight and resistance training. Not only is exercise good for muscles mass, it’s good for your bones, weight, and mood, all of which can increase longevity.

Improve core strength and balance. Falls and injuries due to falls are one of the leading causes of death among older Americans.

Eat a healthy diet. Older adults may need to keep an eye on their protein intake to be sure they’re getting enough protein to maintain muscle mass.

Don’t smoke. In addition to all the other negative impacts, smoking also affects strength. Even if you exercise, you’ll retain less muscle or add muscle more slowly if you’re a smoker.

Sitting around squeezing a stress ball to increase hand strength probably won’t help you live longer if you’re not also eating well, sleeping sufficiently, and exercising. (Though if it actually relieves stress, keep it up!)

The truth is, crashing fatigue, busy lives, mood issues such as depression, or menopause symptoms can all lead us to give up on those truly healthy lifestyle choices, like getting out for a walk or cooking our own meals. If you need a little encouragement, testing hand strength might be a good incentive, since you can actually see progress over time.

The next time you see your doc or PT, ask if you can take a grip test. Write down your numbers, left and right hand. In 3 months, test it again: have all those good, healthy changes you’ve made shifted the needle?

If you’ve tested your grip, or if you want to take us up on the challenge, let us know how it’s going. Please join us in our public forums, leave us a note on the Gennev Facebook page, or join our community in Midlife & Menopause Solutions, our closed Facebook group. 

Healthy eating is an integral part of caring for yourself throughout the menopause journey.  And the same nutritional strategies that support your body through menopause, also support a healthier heart.  The key to eating for your health is to build your meals by balancing nutrients to feel full and satisfied, support blood sugar, as well as lower inflammation and cholesterol.

When you are stretched for time, convenience can interfere with your best intentions for eating well. But a healthy meal doesn’t have to be complicated.  A few key components can help you build a nutritious, balanced lunch that will keep you well-fueled.  Gennev Health Coach and Registered Dietitian Nutritionist, Jessica Gingrich, shared with us the four steps to building a heart healthy salad plate.

• Start with a base of veggies. Lettuce or greens not your thing? That doesn’t matter. Just fill your bowl with the non-starchy veggies you do love as think anything other than potatoes, sweet potatoes, corn, peas and winter squash. Aim for about 1-2 cups. Veggies provide your body with fiber that helps traps and remove cholesterol and antioxidants that reduce inflammation in your blood vessels.
• Next, add on a lean protein. Protein is key for women in peri and post menopause because it is needed to maintain and build muscles, especially if you are strength training. Protein helps keep us full and satisfied, reducing the need to snack more between meals. Include about 3-4 oz of lean animal protein like fish, chicken, or turkey or ½ cup of plant-based protein like beans, lentils, or tofu/tempeh/edamame.
• Keep building with fiber-rich carbohydrates. By adding a carbohydrates source to your salad, you increase the fiber and ensure you won’t be searching out refined carbs later in the day to satisfy a carb craving. Toss on approximately ½ cup of whole grains like quinoa, brown or wild rice, or farro or starchy veggies like potatoes, sweet potatoes, corn, peas or winter squash.
• Top off your salad with healthy fat. That includes mono- and polyunsaturated fat such as nuts, seeds, avocado, olive oil, olives, or cold-water fish like salmon or tuna.

If you hit these four components, you will achieve a satisfying, delicious way to enjoy your lunch break.

Need some inspiration?  Gennev’s Health Coach team shared their personal take on three heart-healthy, menopause-supportive salad plates.

Coach Monika:

The Winter Happiness Salad (appropriately named) is a favorite go-to of mine to prepare a quick and easy lunch for the whole week. Unlike some green salads, this one will not get soggy. It is loaded with monounsaturated fat and fiber to support heart health and satiety too. Not only is it a great lunch option but a wonderful potluck dish or dinner side as well.

• The base of this salad is started with massaged kale (1 bunch). If you haven’t tried massaging your kale yet, I highly recommend it. Kale is a hearty green and this softens the texture while still leaving some bite and the olive oil adds flavor. Parsley (1 bunch) and scallions (about ¼ cup) add variants of green and fresh flavors.
• The chopped apples and raisins or currants (1/3 cup) provide fiber-rich carbohydrates that add a sweet essence to this salad.
• As with many vegetarian meals, the carbohydrate and protein portions of the salad overlap. Here quinoa (3 cups) and chickpeas (15-oz can) make this salad feel heartier and give it more texture. I like to also add toasted almonds for crunch, heart-healthy monounsaturated fats, and a touch of protein and fiber (1/3 cup).
• Dress with Apple Cider Vinaigrette that includes the heart healthy benefit of olive oil and miso to support gut health.

If you are tight on time, you can skip the steps to toast and grind fennel and coriander seed. The salad is still packed with flavor without these additions.

Coach Katie:

My go-to salad is a simple grain bowl, inspired by a local Seattle favorite from Evergreens Salad: the Super Bowl. This salad provides a great mix of nutritious carbs, fats, and proteins to keep you full and satisfied, and support your energy levels throughout the day.

• I build my base with about 1-1 ½ c. kale as I love the crunch and dense nutrient value
• Add ½ cup cherry tomatoes for a pop of color and acidity.
• Top with ½ cup of quinoa – I batch cook this on the weekends to have available all week. Quinoa is a powerhouse with fiber and protein.
• Add 3 oz of turkey or chicken as usually from leftovers from a meal over the weekends as or chickpeas for a plant-based alternative.
• Top with 1 to 2 tbsp. of feta cheese for flavor and a bit of extra protein.
• Drizzle with about 2 tbsp. of a simple homemade red wine vinaigrette as this adds moisture, flavor and healthy fat. Any olive-oil or avocado-based store-bought dressing work well too.

Coach Jessica:

My go-to lunch salad is one of my favorites to duplicate for dinner on those late nights when I am not up for intensive cooking.   

• My base starts with about 1 cup packed arugula for a spicy start. Spinach or shredded and massaged kale would also work well.
• Add about 1 /2 c. (combined) of shredded carrots and pickled beets for added color and flavor.
• I toss in up to 1 cup crispy, roasted chickpeas as these supply a combination of both protein and fiber-rich carbohydrates. My spice combination is usually salt, pepper, garlic powder, smoked paprika and sometimes curry powder. Check out this quick and easy Roasted Chickpea recipe.
• For a protein booster, you can opt for ½ cup of roasted chickpeas plus a sliced hardboiled egg and/or a sprinkle of shredded parmesan cheese.
• Top with olive oil and balsamic vinegar (1-2 tbsp combined) and some avocado slices (1/4 avocado).

Need solutions or support to optimize your health as well as manage menopause symptoms? Schedule a visit with a menopause specialist.  They can help you understand your symptoms and create a personalist treatment plan so you can thrive in midlife and beyond. 

by guest blogger Amanda Giralmo: 

You’ve been hitting snooze on your alarm clock for days now like it’s the Staples Easy Button, but there’s nothing easy about dragging yourself out of bed when you’re feeling exhausted again. You somehow misplaced your keys in the fridge, and you feel overwhelmed by the fact that you should put something in your fridge other than your keys and four days’ worth of take out leftovers.

In short: you feel completely out of balance! But, how do you find this elusive balance that everyone is seeking in today’s always-on, go-go-go world?

Working with my clients as a holistic health coach, I can confirm that the struggle to feel mentally well and nourished physically, while also making sure those around you are cared for, is real!

In my practice, I work with smart, busy people who face this challenge often. My clients want to feel their best but aren’t quite sure how to get there on their own, so I create space and a supportive environment that enables them to articulate and achieve their wellness and lifestyle goals through actionable, bite-sized changes.

How to take care of yourself mentally

One of the tools I use to support my clients, and one of the ways I manage to keep my sanity, is by defining basic, self-care needs.

Self-care is all about nurturing and recharging yourself with the same kindness you provide to your loved ones. I may not complete a single one of my self-care needs in a day, but if a few days go by without including at least one, I feel my balance begin to tip. Here’s some insight into how I identified my self-care needs, so you can establish your own, and how to take care of yourself emotionally and physically.

Remove Guilt

The first step to defining your self-care needs is removing the guilt associated with taking care of yourself. Understanding your basic needs and showing yourself the love, respect and nurturing you deserve will allow you to sustain and find joy in caring for others. Removing guilt will help reduce your menopause anger attacks at yourself and others.

Stop Comparing

“Comparison is the thief of joy.”
“” Teddy Roosevelt

Do you have a case of “keeping up with the Joneses”? Like Teddy Roosevelt said, “Comparison is the thief of joy.” Skip to the beat of your own drum, by getting inquisitive with yourself:

• When do I feel most energized to complete big tasks?
• When and how often do I need quiet time alone?
• When and how often do I need to engage with friends, and how do I like to engage?
• What role does exercise play in my life?

Start designing your day around the answers to your personal Q&A and get your joy back.

I’ve learned that doing intense cardio workouts on a regular basis burns me out, even though I know numerous people who thrive on this type of exercise. I flourish when I have a mix of walking, yoga and strength training; these are a part of my weekly self-care basics. I’ve also found that focusing my social calendar on more intimate events that really allow me to connect with friends energizes me vs. attending large, crowded events. I tend to shy away from larger events, even though many of my friends enjoy them.

Sleep

Sleeping 8-9 hours per night is high up there for me in my basic self-care needs. The amount of sleep individuals need to feel rested can vary; however, most adults need an average of 7-8 hours of sleep per night.

Anyone looking to find balance in their life should get familiar with their sleep needs. Remove all tempting electronics from your bedroom, play around with different bedtimes, try waking up without an alarm clock a few days per week, until you find the good amount of sleep you thrive on.

Stress Busters

Deep belly breathing, meditation, nature walks, taking a technology time-out, calling a friend or loved one, taking a hot bath, watching a funny YouTube video can all help us relax. Play around with some or all of these, and pay attention to other activities that help to lower your stress.

The basic self-care needs that help me break through stress include daily meditation and time in nature (even if it’s just a walk around the block); weekly reiki, yoga and 1:1 time with my partner.

Infuse Delight

Playing is not just for kids; identify activities that bring you true delight! Traveling and experiencing new cultures make me feel like a kid on Christmas morning, so my yearly self-care includes at least two trips to somewhere new! Because I also enjoy new experiences, I’ve included new exercise classes, a guided meditation class, new hikes, dance lessons, and a shark dive at my local aquarium.

Once you have identified your self-care needs and their frequency, write them down, then spend a few minutes visualizing what life will be like when infused with these items. Identify the feelings associated with the visualization as relaxed, peaceful, energized, loving, etc”¦

When life starts to feel unbalanced, review what you wrote down and ask yourself as “when was the last time I did something to show myself love and support my basic needs?”  Then choose one and go do it.

Gennev note: Certain content in this blog was inspired by content developed by Integrative Nutrition Inc. Integrative Nutrition Inc. does not endorse the content of this blog.

Using eastern medicine and traditions to combat period discomfort

If you have difficult periods, you’ve probably searched high and low for real and lasting relief. We talked with acupuncturist and Chinese Medicine practitioner Adam Burrill about remedies that have proven useful for many women for centuries. Turns out, what we eat can have significant effectsasgood and badason how we feel, particularly during our periods or times of hormonal change. Here’s what Adam had to share.

From Adam Burrill, L.Ac., MSOM:

Many women experience difficult periods in their teens, during stressful times, or as they approach menopause.

Symptoms women experience vary widely but can include cramping, irritability, back/hip soreness, headaches, digestive disturbance, fatigue, general discomfort, breast tenderness, sleeplessness and more.

Don’t despair: These symptoms may be avoidable.

If you go to your doctor to complain about symptoms related to your periods, the first thing your doctor is likely to give you is birth control. The birth control pill, and other birth control that contains hormones (like injectable forms or some IUDs), is likely to change your cycle by dominating the hormonal communication that is going on in your body to signal creation of estrogen, progesterone, and other hormones. The logic here is that your body must be regulating your cycle improperly. Sometimes these extra hormones work to relieve undesirable symptoms; sometimes they don’t.

Seeking relief in Chinese Medicine

Chinese Medicine, of which acupuncture is the most famous component, offers some perspective on the menstrual cycle that may be helpful.* Chinese Medicine was developed over many centuries of scientific observation, but uses a different kind of logic than mainstream medicine does today.

In Chinese Medicine, the menstrual cycle is governed by the blood. The healthy state of your blood produces healthy fertility and menses. Those essential things we sometimes neglect””decent sleep, minimal stress and a proper diet, for example””can affect your blood and lead to worse periods. Some things to avoid: excessive alcohol, sugar, caffeine and tobacco.

The four basic patterns of problem periods

There are four basic patterns we see with difficult periods: The healthy state of your blood (from the Chinese Medicine perspective) can be affected by stagnation of circulation, emotional stagnation, lack of nutrients, and high stress levels.

With circulatory or emotional stagnation, you may experience cramps, back soreness and emotional upset, and you may see menstrual blood that is dark red or brown with clots. For relief, eat more spicy foods with herbs like cumin, coriander, cinnamon, oregano, and turmeric in them and increase the amount of exercise you get.

If you’re lacking nutrients, you may observe menstrual blood that is thin and a flow that lasts only one or two days with cramping, hot flashes, and fatigue during and following menses. For relief, eat lots of vegetables, healthy proteins and fats, get lots of rest, and don’t exercise excessively.

If you’re frequently under a lot of stress, you may experience any of the above. Try to reduce your stress and take all of the advice above. You can also go to an acupuncturist; acupuncture and herbs can smooth out your cycle fairly quickly.

*These are general guidelines and are not meant to diagnose or cure any disease. If you have serious problems, please see a licensed practitioner or your doctor.

Adam Burrill, L.Ac., MSOM, is an acupuncturist at Spring and Autumn Acupuncture in Portland, Oregon. Adam specializes in pain conditions and sports medicine and helps patients with stress, anxiety, depression, women’s health concerns, and neurological disorders.

Walking is easy, right? Yes and no. The physical act of walking, putting one foot in front of the other, is pretty easy for most. Heck, we’ve been doing it since we were about a year old. But it’s not always easy to get out the door. Even I struggle at times.

Because I’m a walking coach, and I’m always encouraging others to walk more, many people think that I take long walks EVERY DAY. Nope! I am far from perfect, and in fact, it’s not about being perfect. So, let’s not beat ourselves up over it! And instead, let’s celebrate every little step we take in the right direction!

Progress, not perfection, is what we should be focusing on.

There are going to be days when you crush your walks, going faster or farther than you thought you could. And then there are going to be the days””like one of mine recently””where it’s 7 p.m. and the only walks you’ve gotten in have been between the refrigerator and your desk and the bathroom and your desk. Life is messy and your walking program will be at times, too. The good news: you don’t have to follow the Get Moving walking plans to a T to benefit. So if you find yourself missing a day or two, the most important thing to do is to start walking again.

Before I had kids, I always changed into my workout clothes and usually drove to a beautiful park to do my walks. Not anymore! If I arrive at an appointment early, even if I’m wearing jeans or a nice outfit, I’ll take a walk around the block instead of sitting in my car or the waiting room. I keep a pair of sneakers and socks””the only essential pieces of walking gear you need””in my car so I can sneak in a walk whenever an opportunity presents itself. Some walking is better than none, and more walking is better than some.

The right attitude will take you farther than the most expensive pair of sneakers.

Your thoughts and what you say influence how you feel and how you behave. If you’re thinking about and talking about your walks as something you have to do, or they’re one more thing on your to-do list, walking will seem less appealing. I’ve found that little tweaks in how you frame walking can make it more desirable. Instead of thinking of it as a chore, make it your escape, some quiet, stress-free, me-time. Or make it a time to connect, whether you walk side-by-side or via technology with a friend or family member. Even a single word change has helped me get my butt in gear on days when I used to rationalize why I shouldn’t walk, like “I have too much work” or “I need to start dinner.” When I was overloaded, thinking to myself that I had to walk made me feel even more overwhelmed. But when I started to reframe it as “I get to walk,” it made it feel more like a privilege that I shouldn’t take for granted. And when I’ve walked even though I’m feeling overwhelmed, I’ve discovered that those are exactly the times when I need walking the most. I’d come back from my walks feeling refreshed and recharged. I’d be more productive, and I was better able to manage all of my responsibilities. It was like a gift that I gave myself.

Seeing improvements can motivate you to do more.

Whenever I teach a walking class, I start by getting a baseline for each of the participants so they can see the benefits of their efforts. Usually, I time them as they walk a set distance. Then, I teach them techniques to improve their walking. After some practice, we repeat the timed walk, and except for one time, everyone has always been faster””and they’re excited about it. That excitement fuels a desire to keep walking and see how much you can improve.

Speed isn’t the only way to track your progress. You could also track the length of your walks, how often you walk or the number of steps you take. My favorite ways to monitor my walks are with my FitBit and MapMyWalk. My FitBit smartwatch tracks the number of steps I take, the number of stairs I climb, my calorie burn, heart rate, hourly movement and my sleep. Checking my weekly and monthly averages helps to keep me accountable. I also use the MapMyWalk app on my phone when I take a walk. Along with showing me my route, it tells me how far and how fast I walked. It’s so rewarding when I see that I’ve completed a previous route in less time or that I’m averaging a faster minute-per-mile pace. It makes me want to do more, but that’s me. You may be motivated by seeing improvements in other areas.

Remember, I mentioned that one time someone did my timed walking drill, and she wasn’t faster? Marion, who has Parkinson’s disease, might have been slower, but when she finished her loop, she was celebrating. For the first time in five years, she was able to look up at the trees and the sky while she was walking instead of always looking down at her feet. She had developed that habit because of her fear of falling, but the techniques she learned helped her to feel more confident and improve her posture while still being able to spy obstacles in her path.

Decide what’s important to you””it may be getting a better night’s sleep, having more energy, reducing your blood pressure or spending more time with friends (that’s become one of my motivators as I’ve gotten older). Then figure out a way to measure it. It could be as simple as writing down in a journal how you feel each day or keeping tabs of how often you walk with friends by checking off days on your calendar. Keeping track can help you reaffirm your commitment when you’re getting off track (happens to all of us), and looking back and seeing how far you’ve come can be rewarding and motivating.

Now I’d love to hear from you! Please share with the Get Moving Walking Community for Women what works for you.

If you try any of my strategies, or some of your own, please let us all know how it goes.

Michele’s key tips for walking success:

• Focus on making progress, not being perfect.
• Walk in what you’re wearing, no need to change clothes.
• Keep a pair of sneakers and socks in your car for impromptu walks.
• Make walking a desirable activity, savoring it as me-time or sharing it with friends or family.
• Start saying, “I get to walk,” instead of “I have to walk.”
• Track your progress with an activity monitor, app, journal or calendar

Join us and get moving

Join the Get Moving Walking Program for Women to receive two 30-day walking programs designed by women for women, support from certified fitness instructors and health coaches, special offers and incentives.

Be part of our Get Moving Walking Community for Women for daily motivation to keep moving, share your walking experiences, receive encouragement, and have the support of other women.

Always check with your physician before beginning any new exercise program.   

We can help you be your best self

• Meet with a Gennev Doctor – our board-certified physicians are menopause specialists. They can help you understand your symptoms and develop a treatment plan that is personalized for you.
• Vitality as boost your energy and your walks with a nutrient-packed multi-vitamin supplement that supports your whole body including joint pain and inflammation, mood, stress response, immune health.

The more consistently you walk, the more benefits you’ll reap. That’s why it’s so important to minimize your risk for injury and make walking as comfortable and enjoyable as possible. Since walking is low-impact, it’s already a low-risk activity, but how you walk, and what you do when you’re walking, can raise or lower your risk of getting hurt or developing aches and pains. Here are seven dos and don’ts that will help keep you on your feet and walking strong.

Don’t walk with weights. The thinking is that you’ll burn more calories by swinging dumbbells as you walk. In theory, it seems reasonable. The heavier you are the more calories you burn. But when researchers put this strategy to the test, walking with three-pound weights didn’t increase calorie burn compared to walking at the same speed without weights. The only thing it upped was the effort, according to the study in the Journal of Exercise Rehabilitation. In addition, swinging a weight could set you up for wrist, elbow, shoulder, or even neck problems. Instead, leave the weights at home and pick up your pace. You’ll burn more calories as well as improve your heart function. If you’re carrying weights in hopes of toning your arms, you’ll get more definition by using heavier weights before or after your walk. Bottom line: there are more risks than benefits of walking with weights.

Do warm up. This may seem obvious, but when your time is limited, it’s all too easy to immediately kick it into high gear. The result can be burning muscles, gasping breaths, and possibly even an injury. Instead, start at a slower pace to feel better and prepare your body for activity. Muscles get warm and more pliable so you’re less likely to strain them. More nutrient-rich, oxygenated blood is pumped to working muscles to fuel them for better performance. More lubricants are produced in your joints, so they move more freely and have a greater range of motion. In a review of 32 studies, 80 percent of the studies found that warming up first improved performance.

Don’t bounce. Up and down movement is common when you bound off of the ground while running. But, when you’re walking, you want to think about directing all of your energy forward for a speedier, more efficient stride. Ask a friend to watch you while you walk (or have them videotape you). If you’re bouncing, your head will be going up and down, and all that vertical motion increases impact on your joints. Instead, you want your head to stay level as you walk, which will minimize impact on your joints even as you walk faster. To do that, keep your front leg straight, but not locked, as you land and until your foot is under your body. Also, avoid landing flat-footed, and instead roll from your heel to the ball of your foot and toes.

Do posture checks while walking. Maintaining good posture allows your arms and legs to swing more smoothly, your chest to open up so you can take deeper breaths, and your vertebrae to be properly stacked which can prevent backaches. A great way to realign your posture mid-walk is by doing a shirt pull, an exercise I learned from walking coach Suki Munsell, Ph.D. Cross your wrists in front of you as if you’re getting ready to take off your shirt. Raise your arms as if you’re pulling a shirt up and off (but don’t actually do it). As you reach up, lengthen your spine. Then let your arms float down to your sides as your shoulders drop away from your ears. Repeat every 10 minutes or so, or anytime you feel like you’re slouching or notice any aches or stiffness.

Don’t walk the same way all the time. You may not notice the slight variations in roads and sidewalks that can alter body mechanics. For example, many are sloped to allow for water runoff which means one leg may be slightly higher than the other. Or you may always turn your head to the same side to talk with a friend as you walk. Over time, little alterations like these may make you more prone to injuries or problems because of muscle tension or imbalances. Instead, occasionally change direction, take different routes, and alter positions as you walk. This can help to keep you more physically balanced and prevent mental boredom.

Do stretch after a walk. This is when your body is primed for traditional static stretching, the kind where you hold the stretch. Stretching when your muscles are warmed up and your joints are loose after a walk helps to keep you flexible and increase your range of motion. It’s also a relaxing way to wind down after a vigorous walk.  

Don’t ignore aches and pains. The sooner you address any issue the less likely you’ll end up being sidelined. Some discomfort like muscle fatigue or a little post-workout stiffness or muscle soreness is normal, but in general, exercise should not hurt.  Feel a blister starting? Apply moleskin or a bandage to prevent it. Notice rubbing under your arms or between your thighs? Apply petroleum jelly or a lubricant like BodyGlide to prevent chafing. Achy low back? Check your posture. For more persistent problems, talk to an appropriate doctor: podiatrists for foot problems, orthopedists for joint issues, or physiatrists (also known as physical medicine and rehabilitation doctors) for any issues impairing your activity level. The sooner you remedy problems the quicker you’ll be back to walking regularly, and the stronger you’ll be.

Join Gennev and get moving

Join the Get Moving Walking Program for Women to receive two 30-day walking programs designed by women for women, support from certified fitness instructors and health coaches, special offers and incentives. Always check with your physician before beginning any new exercise program.   

We can help you be your best self

Partner with a Gennev Dietitian for actionable solutions and the support you need to keep moving in midlife and menopause. Learn how to get started with a walking program, the nutrition and supplements your body needs, how to maximize your sleep routine, manage symptoms with actionable lifestyle changes and more. 

Meet with a Gennev Doctor – our board-certified physicians are menopause specialists. They will listen to understand your symptoms, answer your questions and develop a treatment plan that is personalized for you.

Stress is a fact of life. No matter how hard you wish or even try to live a stress-free life, you can’t escape it, especially now. And midlife and menopause are prime time for stress. While the idea of stress-free living is an illusion, it’s worth the effort to rein in your stress levels. One of the best ways to do that is to learn to roll with the stress by becoming more resilient.

When you think about everything going on during this time of life, it’s not surprising that you’re stressed out. You might be worried about paying for college and saving for retirement or caring for kids and aging parents. Menopause symptoms like mood swings, hot flashes, and sleepless nights add to your stress level and drain your resources to cope with it. You’re also more susceptible to some of life’s biggest stressors like the loss of loved ones, health issues, divorce, moving, or job loss during this stage of life.

How stress affects your body

Stress manifests itself throughout your body in multiple ways””tense muscles, headaches, stomach aches, sleep problems, even chest pain. But these are just the noticeable signs. Deep within your body, stress can damage blood vessels, increase blood pressure, contribute to inflammation, and raise cholesterol and blood sugar levels, which over time can lead to heart disease, diabetes, cognitive decline, obesity, depression, and more. Stress can be so damaging that, in rare cases, a traumatic event like the death of a child has resulted in an immediate heart attack, a condition known as broken heart syndrome.

Stress””whether it’s a looming work deadline, traffic jam, family problems, or natural disaster””triggers your sympathetic nervous system, or fight or flight response, setting off a flood of stress hormones like adrenaline and cortisol. Your body is ready for action. Unfortunately, in most cases, there’s no action or resolution. Instead, your body continues to pump out higher levels of stress hormones, leading to its harmful effects on your body.

Being resilient can help you turn off this stress response and turn on your body’s parasympathetic nervous system, or rest and digest response. In contrast to the sympathetic nervous system, the parasympathetic response calms you down and lowers stress hormones.

How to take control of stress

You may have heard the term resilience before, but it’s probably not what comes to mind when you’re juggling a work deadline and doctor appointments for your aging mother on top of a sleepless night due to hot flashes. But it can help. Resilience is a trait that is just starting to get talked about because research shows that it’s associated with feeling less depressed and more satisfied with your life. It may even help you to live longer.

You may think of resiliency when you hear stories about someone battling back from a near-fatal car accident or a young mother carrying on after the death of her spouse. Instead of letting the tragedy defeat them, they come out stronger. They’re resilient.

But being resilient isn’t just crucial for the big traumas in life. It can help you through the everyday lows and stress we all encounter, especially during menopause. And the more you use it, the stronger it will become””just like your muscles when you exercise them. Then when a life-altering tragedy hits, you’ll be even better able to handle it.

When you’re resilient, you don’t let stress suck you in. It’s still there, but instead of stewing in it, you acknowledge it, work through your feelings, seek support, and then problem solve and adapt. As a result, you feel more in control, and stress is less threatening to your body and mind.

Build resiliency to counteract stress and its adverse effects

While becoming more resilient can help you manage stress, managing stress can help you become more resilient. The two are intertwined, which is why some of the strategies to build resilience are similar to ones you might employ to reduce stress. Here are suggestions from Gingrich to help you manage stress and become more resilient.

Learn what stress feels like in your body. “This is an important part of understanding when stress is present and how to feel it coming on so you can build strategies to reduce it,” says Gingrich. Practicing a body scan can help you become more in touch with your body, noticing areas of tension and then working on releasing them.

Breathe deeply. Slow, rhythmic breathing can quiet your flight or fight response that stress triggers. Research has found that practicing deep breathing before bed improves sleep. Here are two breathing techniques to try. Even just a few deep breaths can be beneficial.

• 1:2 Breathing – Breathe normally through your nose, counting each inhalation and exhalation. Gradually increase your exhalations, so they are twice as long as your inhalations. For example, inhale for four counts and exhale for eight. Choose a length that is comfortable for you.
• Box breathing – This technique is used by Navy Seals to manage stress during dangerous missions. Imagine each step as the side of a box. Breath in through your nose for one to five counts. Hold for one to five counts. Breath out through your nose for one to five counts. Hold for one to five counts, and repeat.

Practice good posture. Roll your shoulders up, back, and down. Lift your head so your chin is parallel to the floor and stand or sit tall. An upright posture can help you feel more confident and boost your mood compared to a slumped posture, according to a study published in the journal Health Psychology.

Get moving. Any exercise, even a 15-minute walk, releases mood-boosting chemicals and counteracts some of the harmful effects of stress like keeping blood vessels flexible, reducing inflammation, and lowering blood pressure, glucose, and cholesterol levels. Vigorous exercise like a run or Spin class can be a great way to work off some stress hormones, bringing your body out of the fight or flight mode. Mind-body exercises like yoga and tai chi can also have effects. A single 90-minute yoga session has been shown to lower levels of cortisol and enhance the parasympathetic nervous system, which is involved in rest and relaxation.

Listen to your favorite tunes. Research has linked listening to music with improved immune function and lower cortisol levels.

Connect with others. Whether you join a book club, grab lunch with a friend, attend religious services, or volunteer, do something with others regularly. “Maintaining social connection is shown again and again to enhance quality of life, health, and stress resiliency,” says Gingrich. “Even small moments of connection””like in the checkout line at the grocery store””are important.” Building connections now can also make it easier to ask for help when you need it””a tough thing for many of us to do.

Increase self-compassion. You’re probably supportive if a friend or loved one has messed up or is going through a tough time. But when you’re in that position, how do you treat yourself with that same love and kindness. Being compassionate toward yourself and others can help diffuse emotional situations. To help build your capacity for compassion, a key component of resiliency, try this Loving Kindness meditation, which has been proven in scientific studies to work.

Turn off the news. Limit or eliminate negative influences such as the news, social media, or even people. The negativity adds to stress levels and can leave you feeling less hopeful. 

Build self-efficacy. Self-efficacy is the belief in your ability to do something. For example, you might have high self-efficacy when it comes to your job but lower self-efficacy when parenting a teen. The higher your self-efficacy is, the more likely you are to succeed in that area. It’s also a key to being resilient. To build your self-efficacy, think about previous moments of resilience and strength. We know you have them. Reminding yourself of your abilities to weather a storm can help you view your current situation more positively.

Go out in nature. Communing with nature or “forest bathing,” as the Japanese call it, has been shown to reduce stress hormones and ease feelings of anxiety, fatigue, and depression, all of which can help build resistance. Even if you simply go out into your backyard or sit in a city park, step away from all your electronics and spend more time outside for a mental health boost.

Experiencing new symptoms and changes to your body that often accompany menopause can add to your stress level.  Meeting with a doctor who specializes in menopause will provide you support through the menopause journey, and will help you devise a personalized plan to start feeling better now.

The information on the Gennev site is never meant to replace the care of a qualified medical professional.  Hormonal shifts throughout menopause can prompt a lot of changes in your body, and simply assuming something is “just menopause” can leave you vulnerable to other possible causes. Always consult with your physician or schedule an appointment with one of Gennev’s telemedicine doctors before beginning any new treatment or therapy.

The physical and emotional changes that come with menopause can complicate intimacy or sexual health.

Sexual intercourse can become painful due to the thinning and drying of intimate tissue; libido may wane as hormones decrease and menopause symptoms increase.

But because sexuality, and in particular women’s sexuality, is such a taboo subject in American culture, we don’t talk about it. And what doesn’t get discussed, generally doesn’t get solved.

But times and attitudes are changing: there are more platforms now for women to get information and solutions and engage in conversation about the very real, very natural changes happening in their bodies.

Two companies helping women regain sexual health in menopause are Gennev and MiddlesexMD.

In this conversation, the CEOs of each company “” Jill Angelo and Dr. Barb De Pree, respectively “” and menopause-specialist OB/GYN Dr. Rebecca Dunsmoor-Su, talk about the importance of open conversation around women’s sexuality and health, the challenges of starting a business in a stigmatized niche, and the ways their companies are helping women enjoy the second half of their lives.

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Transcript

Jill Angelo, Gennev CEO

All right. Well, with us today is Dr. Barb De Pree. She’s a physician and a gynecologist, and she’s been in women’s health for over 30 years, with a specialty in menopause for the last 10 years. In 2013, she was named by the North American Menopause Society as certified menopause practitioner of the year for her exceptional contributions to menopausal care, which is just an incredible feat. And so we’re, we’re so honored to have her here with us today.

Since then and even before then she has been really recognized for her outreach and communication and education of women through menopause through her women’s health platform and website called Middlesex MD and her work as the director of women’s midlife health services at Holland Hospital in Michigan. So welcome Dr. De Pree.

As well with me today is Gennev’s own chief medical officer and OB GYN Dr. Rebecca Dunsmoor-Su. So I get both of them here. She also holds a certification from the North American Menopause Society. And so I’ve got two menopause specialists with me. Welcome ladies.

Dr. Barb De Pree of Middlesex MD

Thank you for having me.

Dr. Rebecca Dunsmoor-Su, Gennev’s Chief Medical Officer

I’m glad to be here, Jill.

Jill

Good to have you both. First and foremost, thank you for what you do for women everywhere. And you know, we, we need, we need expertise in this area and it’s such a shortage as I think we all know, otherwise we wouldn’t be doing what we’re doing. So thank you. Today’s conversation, we’re going to talk about menopause. We’re going to talk about the business of supporting women in menopause. And we’re also going to talk about how women can find the resources that they need, because there is a lot of innovation happening, there’s websites like Middlesex MD, in addition to clinic settings, there’s platforms like Gennev.

And so we just want to kind of, I wanted to bring together experts who are doing this new work for women and menopause and just, and talk about it. And Rebecca is going to kind of help me drive the interview too. So you’re going to hear her asking some questions but, but with that, I’m going to just start off with with a general. Barb or Dr. De Pree, please just kind of help us understand your background and, and really what led you into the work that you’re doing today.

Dr. Barb

Yeah. Thank you, Jill, please call me Barb. So I’m a trained obstetrician gynecologist and probably about 14 or 15 years ago that organization I work with recognized that there was a need for addressing menopausal women’s health in our community, which really when you think about it is a little bit of a vision that not many places were having that many years ago. So I joined a task force, you know, they call people into joint task force, like organizations do to study the issue and find out maybe what could be be done about addressing menopausal women’s health. And so, as I learned about it, I didn’t really know at the time myself, that there were people who specialized in menopause. So it was really an interesting journey for me to understand the unmet need both. I understood that it wasn’t being met in my community. And and I was part of the problem, you know, I wasn’t well trained in menopause at the time. I was a general OB gen and generally a lot of our time and focus is on obstetrics and just, you know, spending a lot of time with OB patients and just well-women, contraception.

But so I took an acute interest in it myself. So I, after deciding yes, the community could benefit. I said, why don’t I be the person to do some additional training? So the hospital supported me in doing some training, which included the North American Menopause Society or NAMS. They do a certified program, a NCMP NAMS-certified menopause provider. So I, I did that. So it became sort of a recognized resource in the community, both a resource for patients, but other providers. I think what we’ve really recognized is that interestingly, even though a hundred percent of women will have this journey through menopause become post-menopausal, it really isn’t that much time is spent on it addressing it in a healthcare setting and internists typically aren’t that interested in it and are, you know, working on other chronic health conditions with patients, primary care, busy doing so many other things with their patients that it tended to, you know, I recognize just get kind of pushed to the side as not that important to addreess. So at any rate, I pivoted my practice away from surgical practice and OB practice, and I really have just a dedicated perimenopause menopause sexual health practice now. So primarily I’m seeing women many ages, but probably the majority of my patient population is over 40 and seeking answers.

Jill

Yeah. So many women I think are but don’t know even to ask or they’re afraid to ask. You know you know, Rebecca, why don’t you share a little bit as well, your journey into specializing into menopause too, because you know, Barb, unlike you, I think you saw a need and you started from a place as an OB GYN. I know Rebecca, you did as well.

Dr. Rebecca

I did, you know, it’s interesting. I was very lucky in that the residency where I trained had had gynecologists who did specialize in menopause. So I had some exposure to it as a specialty, and we had a very strong reproductive endocrinology department that actually still focused on endocrinology, which is the, the hormones of the female body. So I had some exposure, but as, as Barb says, you know, when you’re training in OB GYN, like there’s so much focus on OB and so much focus on surgical skill. And for the first part of my career, it was not the biggest part of my career thinking about menopause and perimenopause. I was very lucky in that my first faculty job, I, the, I was working with a vulva vaginal or, you know, that specialists who, who focused on the vulva and the vagina and disorders of the vulva and vagina.

So I gained those skills. And then as I grew in my practice, it just became obvious that this was how, how I wanted to focus my practice, basically. I feel like, you know, there are many fantastic OB GYNs who do OB and gynecology and some menopause as well. But that, for me, I felt like I could provide a service for women who maybe had slightly more complex menopause or just needed someone who had a few more tools in their toolkit. And then they could come and see me and have a place to go. It’s very much the same reason I started working with Gennev is that I wanted there to be more tools in that toolkit for women. And I was going to say, Barb, it seems like that’s probably a very much, the reason you started the website you did is adding tools to that toolkit.

Dr. Barb

The most important tools we offer patients is time and, and listening. For so many women, it’s a matter of being acknowledged that, Oh yeah, these symptoms do belong under a category of menopause and they’ve been frustrated and searching and at a loss. So I think part of the skill set of being a menopause provider is, is listening and helping women kind of understand how to bring it all together. And then obviously the treatment regimen is, is tailored to whatever those symptoms might be. But through this journey, I have an eight page intake that I have patients fill out in advance and about eight to 10 questions were around sexual health. And it was pretty astonishing to me that nearly every woman had some sexual health related concern. And for some women, it was all eight questions were, you know, somewhat bothersome to them. So and then I, as I asked more about it you know, it’s interesting when you actually ask people questions about it, you will begin to learn more about what you, what really matters to them. And what’s important for them to address and, and sexual health really came to the top of the list soon into my menopausal practice.

And then recognizing also that women didn’t recognize that there were actual expected changes that happen when they go through menopause. I think that’s not widely known. Hot flashes, I think mood, we’re understanding more about that”¦ memory, we’re hearing more about that, but sexual health still, there was a disconnect between what might help happen to them in menopause and sexual health.

So I created this website. I was also going through a master’s program at the time. I’m a masters of medical management and I’m challenged to think about a business and new business and what could you create and what was an unmet need. And for me, it was sexual health tools, devices, solutions. I didn’t have a website. I felt women could go to and have it feel like it was sort of clinically based with integrity. So I created Middlesex MD to help women have a conversation around sexual changes that occur as a result of menopause or aging or any number of things, maybe, you know, side effects of other medications, and then a small selection of things like a vibrator.

How can a vibrator actually be a helpful clinical tool? Most people aren’t thinking of it in those terms. So also want to just elevate the language around sexual health not just sex, but sexual health and how important it is that we help our patients address maintaining or attaining sexual health. And it might be something as simple as selecting the right lubricant or using a vaginal moisturizer or again, using a vibrator.

We, I sometimes will use the analogy, you know, when you turned 42 and you lost your near vision, you didn’t stop reading. You went and you got readers, so you could read. Well, if you can’t have an orgasm, does that mean you just stop? Well, no, maybe you get a device or a tool that helps you address that. So really trying to normalize the conversation around sexual health and making some simple things available to women in a, in a clinical way, was my goal with starting the website, Middlesex MD.

Dr. Rebecca

I’m glad you started to talk about how we as clinicians can help women with their their sexuality. And those changes in sexuality that come with menopause. I find that for my patients, it’s always been a really taboo subject. That there’s a lot of fear and silence and shaming, even around sexuality and the changes that can be very normal and natural as a woman moves into menopause. How do you start that conversation with women, obviously outside of the form that you have them sort of fill out, how do you have that conversation? How do you lead them down a pathway of saying this is not shameful? This is not something to be you know, this is something we should talk about.

Dr. Barb

Well, I think we have the unique opportunity of being healthcare providers and women’s health gynecologists, that it is a forum that women might expect that conversation comes up. So I think we, you know, we have the advantage of really expecting our patients to be able to dialogue about that. And it’s, it’s somewhat of a difficult conversation to have on a first encounter. So I will often recognize that, you know, patients acknowledge some concerns around sexual health and try to get a sense of how willing they are to address it at that first visit. Sometimes it really takes a couple of visits to kind of get a rapport and some trust to have it. But I, I use and emphasize the word sexual health and remind women that, you know, we care about physical health, emotional health, spiritual health, and sexual health is one of those areas that we should care about.

And we need to have language around it. We need to be able to help women understand that some of the anatomy physiology that might be interfering or causing some obstacles to enjoy sexual health and, you know, normalize it. As, you know, menopause providers, obviously we can expect most women are going to have some sexual consequences of becoming menopausal and the, what we now call genital urinary cinema menopause. And so I also, before women are menopausal and what to expect at some point, intercourse may become uncomfortable and you know, we’ll need to address that. And hopefully you’re comfortable in bringing it up. And yeah, so it’s, it’s really just repeating the message, I think about the importance of sexual health. And then I had to get the pulse of each individual as to what their comfort level is and exploring that further.

I can’t, I don’t talk about the vibrator with all of my patients on their first visit, but a lot of times, you know, you get a sense of how open somebody is and can go there right away.

Jill

By establishing Middlesex, MD and that’s M as in mouse, as in doctor. Do you find that when you do make recommendations that your patients are more apt to follow up, to try a vibrator or a lubricant or a product that you’ve recommended because you’ve also got a safe resource for them to go to and I’ll ask that question of Barb, but then Rebecca, I’d love for you to as well offer your perspective. Cause I know you’re also recommending solutions to women and how do you make them comfortable with that? So Barb, you want to start?

Barb

Yes. And I do think most women recognize the value of maintaining sexual health. And, and I put it this way if, especially in the context, now that we’re talking about menopause, we understand that natural atrophy painful sex while it’s not all atrophy, there are good reasons to have a good vulval/vaginal exam. And there are other, you know, diagnoses we have to parse out, but let’s say it is vulval atrophy. You know, the conversation is this is chronic and progressive. So I use the fork in the road. So here we are at a fork in the road and intercourse will continue to be more challenging, more painful, more difficult, or we address it, we treat it and we try some new approaches to this, whether it’s the moisturizer, the vibrator and women, while generally may have, they may have experienced some loss of drive or desire. Most women don’t want to abandon sex. They want to remain intimate within their relationship.

And when they hear that, I now need to invest in myself in some way to make this possible. Most women are going to opt in and start at that, you know, choosing the right lubricant, introducing a moisturizer. So starting at the beginning. And I think there is a lot of buy in, at least the patients I see there is a lot of buy in and you know, one of the reasons I think Rebecca, we do what we do is the reward is so, you know, people are so grateful for the successes they enjoy when they’re properly treated.

Dr. Rebecca

I completely agree. I find that I’m giving my patients permission to explore sometimes is a huge thing. You know many people were raised with some hesitance about sexuality or some hesitance about exploring their own sexuality and just saying, this is a normal and natural thing that women should do to maintain themselves and their health. Going forward is really helpful. Sometimes I also find that, you know, being able to point at resources that are not frightening, you know, a lot of pornography or, you know, sex shop type things are not designed by women for women. So really being able to say, look, here are a few places you can look that are not, that are not frightening, that are not from a male perspective. They’re actually from a female perspective, it makes a huge difference. And you know, always sort of taking that time to say, you know, these are things that I think are helpful and that I’ve looked into in think believe are actually functional and are helpful is also a really great thing to be able to give to patients.

Dr. Barb

Yeah, I and that was really my primary motivation was to create that space for women because a dozen years ago when I watched the site or so I didn’t know about a safe place to send women. So, but I do think, you know, there are so many smart, intelligent, creative women who have added immensely to this conversation now and who are making more and more resources available. So they don’t have to live in your town or my town to access. We’ve got we’ve, we’ve got a platform to all women can begin to access resources and to learn about it and find solutions.

Dr. Rebecca

Yeah, I think that’s been one of the great things I’ve seen happen over the last 10 or so years is just how the Internet has started to serve this population and how their platforms for sex therapy, their platforms for sexual aids, their platform, all there are now platforms for woman focused, dirty stories and things like that. All the things that can help with sexuality that are much more comfortable to a female population.

Dr. Barb

But it’s still, you know, still run into some obstacles in trying to market and promote the site. You know, there are certain words or statements, so we’ve, some of the social media has had to be a little bit softer, more lifestyle-related conversations rather than sexual health related, which is a little sad that you can’t use proper terms in what would seemingly be the proper context of this message. But, you know, there are still some weird standards out there that are preventing us from really getting the real message out to the, you know, our, our audiences.

Dr. Rebecca

Right. And if we’re, if we’re honest, it’s not just weird standards, it’s double standards. Cause I don’t think they’ve had much trouble promoting Viagra.

Jill

Unfortunately not, you know I was gonna kinda go there a little bit around what, how do you both drive like curiosity or in your patients? Both in clinic or if you’re doing telehealth appointments around this topic, like, you know, Barb, you said you probably don’t bring up a vibrator in every conversation right away, or you know, their relationship matters, but then also in that face to face, but then also what women are searching for you know, online for resources matters too, how do you help women be comfortable and also what would be your guidance to women who might suspect they want or need some help in this, in, in overall their sexual health as part of menopause.

Dr. Barb

That’s a really good question. And I think I’d like to think that most women have a provider in their healthcare team, that they would be comfortable asking specifically that question and could have an answer to that. A lot of the marketing I’ve done with my website has been to providers. We, so we recognize that in this space being a menopausal care provider, it it’s, you know, we’re not doing surgeries and delivering babies. It’s not a high revenue area and these conversations really take time and investment. And so a lot of providers, well, it’s not that they don’t care about it or don’t want to help their patients. They just don’t have time to. So a lot of what I’ve marketed my website is to other providers. So we know that you care about sexual health, here’s a safe place to send your patients.

So I would like to think that providers could be a resource for their patient, but of course we recognize some patients aren’t going to ever bring it up with their provider. Maybe, maybe they’re not comfortable. So it it’s been a journey of trying to be discovered and found in this space, I would say that it’s always a continual journey trying to understand. And I think it’s, it’s conversations like these that, you know, we can reach more people who say, gosh, these women sounded like really, you know, people I could relate to and they made this recommendation about this, you know, Gennev or this product. I’m going to look into that. So I think it’s just telling the story over and over and over again from trusted sources.

Dr. Rebecca

I really do agree with you. I, you know, I think in my clinic, it’s it, people are coming to me because they know I have experience and expertise in this, and that I can, I can walk this path with them. But I think there are a lot of women we found, especially at Gennev in rural situations who just aren’t have access to that provider. And that’s a lot of what drove us to put telemedicine together and to, you know, start to do this free education because we feel like, you know, there are a lot of women who just don’t have that touchstone within their community. And there are ways for us to bring the information and the help to them as well. And I think I completely agree with you that the more we promote each other, you know, I think at Gennev, we always say all boats rise. You know, if someone is doing something great, we want them to succeed. And if they succeed, we will, should only succeed more. Like this is not a competition. We really need to be helping people we think are doing something fabulous. Get that word out.

Dr. Barb

So our understanding is that every day, 6,000 women become menopausal and that there are 50 million menopausal women in America. So I think there’s enough to go around for everybody to be serving this population. And yeah, so absolutely, you know, echoing what you say, we need more providers and we need more access for patients to navigate this because you know, the impact to, to women in menopause around brain health and bone health and heart health and sexual health is enormous. I’ve been working on a project trying to help understand the economic impact of menopause and, you know, people don’t think of it in those terms. It’s more kind of a nuisance, Oh yeah. Too bad. You don’t sleep great. Well, yeah, too bad translates to how well I do my job to my, or my ability to, you know, consider promotion or my willingness to do a presentation because I know I’m not going to find the word I need when I’m in public.

I mean, this is real impact to women and their day to day function. And every woman deserves to try to address this and you know, in a safe and effective manner. And we have answers for those women. We have solutions for them, but they need an opportunity to engage.

Dr. Rebecca

Right. And I think the nice thing about there being many of us in this space who are genuinely trying to bring evidence-based information and solutions to women, is that we all have slightly different styles and every woman can find that place or that style that really works for her. And so, you know, the more of us are out there, the better who are, as long as it’s genuine evidence-based information.

What, what I owe more, I wrote a piece I think, gosh, probably about a year or so ago now called “œInternet hygiene” on how do you use internet hygiene? You know, just helping women to understand, not everything on the internet is safe or verified. And it can sometimes be extremely hard to figure out which is which, but just sort of looking to see if the same information appears somewhere else where it’s not being sold or, you know, things like just their little great keys that we can give women and say, you know, that there’s a lot of great information on the internet. There’s a lot of not great information on the internet and you sorta have to, to navigate your way through, but working with people like you, we can say, okay, you trust us. Here’s another person you can trust that we feel like is doing the right thing and, and trying to bring you evidence based solutions.

Dr. Barb

You know, interestingly, I have a number of men who reach out and ask questions on my website. So there’s an opportunity for some Q and a on the website. And you know, I think the unique thing about sexual health is it involves somebody else. And so I think in healthcare we’ve to a certain extent, maybe miss the mark by not bringing along the other important people to educate them on this journey too. And so I’m always hurting to, when I get questions from men, asking really on behalf of their partner or, you know, their partner, isn’t willing to seek the answers. And I think if we can continue to engage just, you know, others who intersect with that woman we’ll, we’ll do a better job as well, and we’ll be more successful. When they’ve got the support of somebody else alongside them.

Jill

I think you know, I, I do think that is such a relevant point around the support system for women and, and Barb, I especially love that you’re doing additional work around the economic impact of not better supporting women whether it’s in the workplace or whether it’s us as consumers or it’s us as moms, or, you know, there’s, there is an economic impact of not supporting women in menopause and the research and the work’s never been done there. I know as a company who serves them, we often look at you know, how much, how much do they seek out in terms of care every year, you know, and how can we better support that? And I think that we don’t even know to what extent women are spending on trial and error, different kinds of solutions and services to try to get the help they need.

And I think Rebecca, to your point, that’s where they end up in some non evidence-based options that aren’t really helpful. They’re just something that someone has tried and either they’re trying to make a business of it or it worked for them. How, how do you both address women when they bring to you solutions? Because they’re all doing, we’re all doing our research and our diligence around areas of suffering in our lives. If they bring something to you that you might not support or agree with, or it doesn’t align, like how do you, how do you help them through that? Because we, we get it a lot at Gennev. And and I just think it’s something that, you know, we don’t want to make women feel uncomfortable in their due diligence and research either. And yet we want to get them to the right solution.

Dr. Barb

So I was at a meeting that was put on by Mayo clinic probably about a year and a half ago now. And they had an integrative physician presenting on the topic and it was it was around it was actually a breast cancer meeting and addressing, but it was around wellness and prevention and talking about, you know, mindfulness and acupuncture and yoga. And so I asked a question, I went to the podium and asked a question about a specific supplement that a number of my patients were asking me about it was, you know, kind of the latest, greatest Facebook, you know, buy this and it’ll do that for you. And I asked this woman about it. And her comment to me, which I have repeated over and over again, is there are over 800,000 nutritional supplements in the United States right now that people have access to and virtually none of them have much evidence to suggest that they do what the label says it’s gonna do.

And as providers, we just can’t begin to wrap our head around that. We can’t know all of those. So, you know, people bring in their bags and, you know, bring up their labels. Oh, you know, you probably have heard of this. It’s like, no, I’ve not heard of any of that because I don’t have a memory that can keep the 800,000 supplements that are out there. So I usually say, you know, this is a real area that opportunistic people look for an opportunity to sell there wares; we don’t have much evidence on a, B or C, just because it’s not required. So I don’t have evidence to say it’s harmful either. And I typically encourage people to do supplements and, you know, if it works great our placebo effect in, in healthcare is around 30%. So I’m supporting women to try things.

Again, I don’t think we see many of them as harmful. I just, I use the analogy that you know, the reason you’re having multiple symptoms typically in my day, it’s, it’s a hormonal issue. So when there are six bothersome symptoms that result from menopause or the absence of hormones, the thing that most often is going to restore your quality of life is probably going to be around hormones. On the other hand, I do think we need to take this opportunity to talk, talk to women about lifestyle and stress management and sleep and nutrition and diet. But I just try to say, you know, it, it’s a really, really vast industry of looking for alternative solutions. And I don’t want to say that they don’t work. Did it work for you and most people who are seeking my care are there because whatever they’ve tried, hasn’t worked and they’re looking for additional solutions.

So I can’t say that’s a hard conversation to have, but I also don’t want to feel like I’ve got a corner on all knowledge and that there is nothing out there that might not help them, because I don’t believe that. I think there are things out there that certainly can help individuals. And I’m not gonna necessarily deny them that possibility of having a successful treatment option that I may be not aware of.

Dr. Rebecca

I think Jill knows how I feel about the subject. We talk about it a lot at Gennev and we approach it very much the same way you do. We can’t possibly know about everything. And a lot of the alternative supplements and herbals and acupuncture just aren’t studied in the same way that we expect evidence for a medication. So you’re right. We can’t say that we know whether or not it works.

My big criteria that I give to patients are, do you know, it’s not harmful? Because if it’s not harmful, there’s no harm in trying it and it might work for you. I completely agree with the placebo effect and it’s, and as I tell my patients, the placebo effect works, even if you know, it’s a placebo and that’s great because if you feel better, I don’t care if it’s a placebo. Great. You’re better. So criteria number one is, is it not harmful. I say, you know, if you’re trying to evaluate for yourself whether or not this might work, what do they claim it does? Does it cure everything? Cause nothing cures, everything, you know? So if it’s supposed to fix everything at once, it’s probably not really going to do that. And like you said, yeah. And I talked to them about the fact that, you know, they’re, they’re dealing with a hormonal issue and many of my patients choose to take hormones, but many can’t for whatever reason.

And then we really explore all these other options. And I said, look, there are all these things out there. Why don’t you look around and see what seems to make sense to you and come back and talk to me about it. I can tell you if I know of any harm and we’ll go from there.

Many experience menopause as a time of grief and loss: loss of youth, of reproduction, of a body that looked different, behaved in predictable ways, and seemed easier to control.

To feel some sense of grief at change is totally normal and understandable. But at Gennev, we feel the menopause transition can also be a very positive time to embrace a new you “” changed body, changed attitude, new freedoms, and all.

To help us understand and navigate this transition, Gennev Health Coach Katie Linville talked with Kathleen Putnam, an expert in grief, loss, and transition.

Kathleen gave us new ways of thinking about change and aging, and new strategies to celebrate the new us on the other side of the symptoms.

Listen to the podcast, then come over to Gennev.com to learn more about how to manage menopause to have an easier, better, healthier transition.

Prefer to watch the webinar? You can see it on the Gennev YouTube channel. Be sure to subscribe so you don’t miss upcoming webinars and podcasts!

“

TRANSCRIPT

Katie Linville, Gennev Coach

Kathleen Putnam, Health Coach

Katie

Just a quick introduction, I’m Katie Linville, one of the new coaches at Gennev excited to be on board. And I worked with Stacy who you hear a lot in these webinars series and also Jessica as well. And I’m excited to have Kathleen with us today, Kathleen Putnam, a fellow registered dietician and health coach does so many things. We’ve worked together at a previous position. And it’s just so great to connect again today. So Kathleen, I’d love for you to just introduce yourself, give us a bit of your background.

Kathleen

Sure. Thanks for having me. It’s really fun to be reconnected here. And yeah, so I am a registered dietician, a health and a parent coach, and I’ve been in private practice here in Seattle, Washington for over 17 years and now it’s all gone virtual, but I’ve had mostly a specialty in dealing with women’s health with areas around weight disorder to eating emotional and stress eating parent coaching as well as dealing with chronic disease, like heart disease and diabetes.

And in, in addition to coaching just recently completed a training as a life coach focused on grief and loss and death. And also became certified as a end of life, death doula, and a holding space consultant with the Institute of birth breadth and death. And so as a result, my coaching practice is expanding.

Katie

Yeah, that’s amazing. I’d love to hear more about that. So really the topic for today is grief loss and transition in menopause and relating it to that. What inspired you to focus on that area of loss and grief?

Kathleen

Yeah, you know, well, as, you know, as a coach, we’re always working with life transitions and especially working with the emotional stress impacts of those transitions and losses as it pertains to our health and our body changes and a lot of pain and anxiety can come up for people as well as not really having a great way to navigate it.

And so after taking a deep dive into the study of grief and transition and loss, I see that I’ve always been speaking to grief and loss as a dietician. We’re always addressing it as a coaches.  And I think that my background and the awesome opportunities that I’ve had, I was able to work with dr. Dean Ornish for reversing heart disease and with Laura Mellon’s program as an emotional brain trainer at a UCSF and both of those really, really dove into the holistic view of stress and emotions as being a big part of our lifestyle management. And I think that feelings come up that we don’t necessarily recognize as grief. And now it’s just really clear that I wasn’t necessarily recognizing him. I was getting training and I was addressing them, but now it feels a lot more clear that it was a lot about grief and loss and the need to let go of what was through changes in life.

Katie

Yeah, that’s a good point. So grief can come up in so many different areas of life. And how would you really, how would you define grief?

Kathleen

So grief really is the emotional part of loss. It’s, it’s the feeling part of loss. Mourning is actually allowing yourself to go through those feelings. I think one of the big things and I know it’s getting a lot of attention because of COVID and black lives matter. I feel like grief is being discussed more. But a big problem is, is experiencing that loss and grief, but not really allowing yourself to feel it and not really being supported culturally or within our family systems or community systems too,

Be able to grieve.

Katie

Yeah, that’s a good point. And I think maybe sometimes some of us may feel like shameful of our grief or just, why am I feeling this way? Should I be feeling this way, not wanting to open up about it. But I do want to call out, you know, especially I’m thinking of menopause specifically, it’s such a normal experience to feel grief, feelings of loss during any time of transition in your life. But, you know, specifically during this time, whenever you’re trying to navigate, you know, what, what is going on here is this normal? And I will say so once again, it’s completely normal to have feelings such as those as you’re transitioning through menopause. And so whenever I think about this, I wonder, you know, what could be some science, people may not know that they’re going through grief or loss, what would be some signs that someone may be experiencing these feelings and what should they do next after they realize that?

Kathleen

Yeah, you know, I appreciate you bringing up shame an isolation and shutting down and self judgment around this, because that does feel similar to the work with disordered eating and other transitions in life as a coach. A lot of people aren’t openly talking about what it feels like to be in their body and, and they’re beating themselves up and they feel like they need to have the answer themselves. So so some of the signs in particular can be a sense of loss of feeling like themselves in menopause. Like their body doesn’t feel the same. They don’t feel right. But they list feel less attractive more irritable, more moody. There can be an acknowledgement of a loss of usefulness or beauty, which we have a cultural standard about our value as a woman that way. And I think we don’t necessarily look at it as a Rite of passage that we’re all going through and we support one another. So that’s why I just my hats off to the program, because I think that a lot of women are supposed to navigate through and do find themselves isolated not understood and alone with those feelings.

Katie

Right. Absolutely. We had a chat come through mentioning, I recently realized that I was grieving the loss of the old normal due to the pandemic, as well as the loss of how I used to feel during due to perimenopause.

Kathleen

Yeah, exactly. So it’s this, and one thing that’s really a norm about grief is this idea of expectation either externally or internally, that we’re going to end up where we used to be and that we’re getting, but really in a lot of people are talking about this with COVID is the new norm is now I’m getting to a place. One of the stages of grief is to get to a place of acceptance. And then a sixth stage was actually added by David Kessler is then to find meaning to go through a grief process and derive new meaning out of it. And then, so now who am I now inside of menopause, or while I’m going through menopause.

Katie

I like that. So finding meaning through it all, what, you know, how could this be beneficial to me? How can I get to a place of acceptance with it all? And is that something as you know, working as a coach that you really work to help someone find?

Kathleen

Yeah, I think that really establishing what’s most important to the person right here and right now, and what is it that they have control over? We don’t have control over aging. And I know there’s all kinds of products that tell us that there’s, that they can help control with our beauty and our age. And, but we are going to age the years are going at the time is passing. And so really what’s most meaningful. How do I want to go through this? What needs attention and acclimation where maybe it didn’t need attention before? One thing I know that I hear a lot as a coach is what used to work doesn’t work for me anymore.

This used to help you sleep. My body would get back to normal. If I did this, I used to be able to bounce back to exercise. And so really letting go and feeling that loss of what you used to know to be true and reestablishing what you need now to be true so that you’re focusing on what’s most important to you right now.

Katie

That’s true. And I think we all enjoy finding what does work for us. It’s like, Oh, this situation comes up. Here’s what I do about it. Right. I have my go tos. So that can feel really uncomfortable and bother, bother us whenever we realize, well, shoot, I used to have this strategy for stress management or whatever it might be. And now I’m finding this isn’t working. So what do I do? And people may even have moments of, of a panic or, you know what now? So I think that’s a really good point shifting through our different life phases and learning what works for us in this time in our lives is a good point.

You know, it just made me think about how my situation, you know, I am, I am premenopausal having a baby last year experiencing my own feelings of grief and loss during that time. I mean, it was the amazing time, love my baby, all of that. But at the same time, it was like, wow, this whole new life, right. That I’ve never experienced before. I’ve never been a mom until then. And some, you know, re relearning who I identified with as my sense of self and my norm. Right. And just, you know, and not of course body changes. And we talk about how the media really focuses on body image a lot and how frustrating that is. But yeah, that just brings to mind my experience with that. I mean, looking back you know, a year later I feel like I have found my new normal and what works, but in the moment last July, 2019, it was like, wow, what did I, what did I get myself into here with this huge change? Right. So perhaps, you know, many of us can relate to this, whether it be a slow, gradual change that you may experience or a drastic life change that comes on all of a sudden.

Kathleen

And I listened to your other podcast about grief and some of the words of wisdom around resiliency. And I think people who have had children and who have gone through that change and we’ve all gone through adolescents and to be able to remember that not feeling like we were ourselves and our bodies were not our own. I remember constantly saying, I felt like an alien had taken over my body and then she came out and then she was on my body sense of like not being separate. And really now realizing, you know, now that she’s 17 is just, all of the process has been letting go. And there’s a lot that resiliency, if you could look back and say, Oh, I made it through that. I remember thinking I wasn’t gonna be able to make it through that. And then also drawing from other people who have gone through it and finding some mentors and role models who have gone before you, I think is also really, really powerful.

Katie

That’s so true. I remember a lot of friends who were managed really reaching out to me during that time and that made a world of difference and meant a lot to me because it was like, you get it right. You know, how hard this is. And I didn’t know how hard, how hard this was until now, but wow. You know, having that community support system is, is very helpful. And that’s what I love that we’re doing here at Gennev with, with menopause, really making it normalized and making this community, having it accessible here. I mean, I think that’s, that’s crucial. We’re all gonna go through menopause at one point or the other just as women. And so, you know, how can we really focus on that time in our life and make the most of it rather than having this fearful, I don’t know what to do or who to talk to during this time, you know?

Kathleen

Yeah. I think a couple other things is it’s also a time in life that people are experiencing changes in their work life. Yeah, no, maybe not being as satisfied or driven like they remember being earlier in life. There’s a lot of talk about historically about the sandwich generation. A lot of times people wait to have kids. So when they’re going through menopause, they still have kids in the house and they have aging parents. And so they have a lot more needs as far as caregiving goes. When going through this and potentially even, you know, adult children that can’t leave home because of the circumstances right now. And I think that, I think that those, those elements of how modern day life is right now also are taking a toll on people are physically and emotionally going through this hormonal.

Katie

Yeah. Speaking of that, what are your thoughts on grief and loss being intensified by menopause and menopausal symptoms?

Kathleen

Yeah, I definitely feel like I feel like all of it can be intensified, especially if we’re not attending to it. So if we’re not attending and speaking openly about it, it’s kind of like what you said about having a group of friends. I’m really glad that you had that when you were going through having a baby post-baby because if it’s not talked about openly and we have generations ahead of us that didn’t talk about it openly. And we learned to do that. So I think that having that kind of support so that the key to grieving and the key to emotional regulation is to actually feel it and go through it. And I know many times as a coach and among friends, I’ve been told, you know, if I stop start crying, I think I’m never gonna stop. Or if I start raging or actually expressing my anger, I feel like I’m going to do a lot of damage. So it’s that thing of needing to stifle or not show what it’s really like to go through. And that kind of modeling really shuts down the conversation and the ability to grieve that can be exacerbated by any kind of stress, but there’s a physiological stress that’s going on with menopause that can exacerbate anything that’s not being attended to.

Katie

Oh, that’s so true. I had a question come through. You know, what if something traumatic happens in life are the hormonal shifts I’m experiencing intense intensifying what I’m feeling.

Kathleen

Yeah. I think that there is that potential and that, you know, trauma right now is getting a lot of attention because of so many reasons. And I think attended to past hurts and trauma that again, have not been healed and attended to that. They come to the surface and I think it’s that entering the unknown, not really being sure and not feeling yourself, things that you used to have in your skill, basket and tool basket that used to work for you or not working that, that then all of a sudden there’s a sense of loss. And then and then it’s easy to spiral down and it could be intensified. So getting that support and allowing yourself to have the feelings because feelings don’t, they’re not rational, right. So it’s not about figuring it out. It’s about offering space so that people can feel their feelings, be heard, be understood, feel cared about and then get to the other side. So you can actually access that thinking part of your brain, because when we’re under stress and emotionally driven, we can’t think, and we don’t make good decisions.

Katie

Oh, that’s so true. Stress really takes a toll on our bodies and minds and a lot of different ways. And, you know, we briefly mentioned earlier with COVID this year, the pandemic a lot of people are feeling isolated and losing that routine. Can you talk about grief and loss for women who may be experiencing those feelings losing what’s been normal just even this year with what’s going on?

Kathleen

Yeah, I do think that one that I would say is reaching out and not feeling alone and really, really finding the people that are safe to talk with. And I think that that has been rocked. So people aren’t necessarily in agreement in the same household about how to deal with COVID and what safety majors that household is going to take. So there’s there. And then there’s tension among them neighbors and friends and communities because of black lives matter and that’s being brought to the surface. And so, and then nobody really knows what the future’s going to look like with their job, where they’re gonna live the economy. Are they going to be able to travel? I know you love Disneyland. We had tickets to Disneyland then Disney world it’s like, is that, that was like a routine thing, a tradition and ritual that we had in our family that’s been lost.

And so just to recognize how am I going to be able to adjust those kinds of things. And then also, you know, recognizing that that’s a luxury for so many people to even be thinking that way. So there’s lots to attend to, and I think I’m fine finding a place that is safe and loving and can be a model of uncommon love and acceptance for all these feelings that most of us don’t know how to make sense of this. We don’t know what this is, this time period is going to be called and what it’s going to look like a year from now, you know? So I do think, yeah, I do think it’s really important and I think that’s where a coach can come in because some people say right now, it’s just too hard to be able to do that in their household or with their loved ones, because they’re worried about the emotional balance and stress with their loved ones that they usually lean on.

Katie

That’s a good point. So I was going to ask to you how someone, if they feel like they don’t have anyone, they can reach out to you, how would they find that? And I mean, I think working with a coach, such as you at yourself, you could help them. You could, you know, really personalize it to them and help them find people or places to reach out to for support any other thoughts on that?

Kathleen

Yeah. And I think it’s important to call out if someone really feels like past traumas coming up. I think a therapist, a grief therapist, you know, who’s trained in therapy is appropriate there. And I also think finding communities where people are openly talking about what it is that you’re going through. So I know that there’s some groups. I know that there’s support groups. I know that when I, I went on to your doctor board and format of asking questions and seeing other people answer things, there were a few things where I was like, Oh, this is really great because somebody is calling out a symptom that I never thought was a symptom of menopause.

I just thought I was experiencing this for, I had no idea that other people that this could be related to hormone, disruption or menopause. So I think the normalization is really important and connection. So it would look different for different people. I do think that groups can be really inviting. It helps normalize. What I love about doing group work is that you can learn so much from one another and it can really, really to have someone who has an opposing view or a different view can really broaden your scope of understanding and about what it’s like to be going through grief and loss. And then also to help with finding a deeper meaning when you’re having a hard time, but listening to someone else who’s finding deeper meaning or able to move through and see each other’s progression that can be really helpful if it feels unsafe or you don’t feel like you can really abide by the rules or you feel like you need one on one attention. Then I think one on one coaching is really appropriate.

Katie

Now with the group coaching. I’m curious about that. Is that something, something that you can find out for and other people you don’t know or also in that group? Or is it more of like a friends and family situation?

Kathleen

Yeah. Yeah. It’s you know, it’s an interesting, when I did groups before, I would always try to separate out family. It didn’t always work time-wise and schedule wise for people. And the reason is, is because there’s often pretenses and role play in our relationship. So it’s good not to be in the same. So it usually is people that you don’t know, and it’s not necessarily your friends so that you really can show up authentically and not have to worry about often what happens is it comes from a really good place, but we start taking care of another person, or we’re worried about what we say it’s going to hurt us. So it’s really, it really is an act of self care to separate out and do something just for yourself and really be able to show up authentically and bear those emotions and be able to say hard and difficult things too, I think is important with grief.

Katie

Yeah. Yeah, absolutely. And I’m thinking on some specifics on emotional health, someone had a question, how do I know if I’m raging? It’s a new thing for me.

Katheen

Yeah. I think it’s a thing of so I think it w that container’s always important. So raging is, is really, what’s the impact that I’m going to have on someone else if I’m, if I’m raging. So I think we can, I mean, there’s all kinds of videos that are kind of funny about this with people raging. And I remember at a, at a really young age for my daughter learning you know, just to put up a pillow and ask her to punch it as hard as she wants, like just to get that out of her system and to find ways not to you know, hurt herself potentially, or, or grab the dog, stuff like that. And it’s kind of like, okay, I’m going to start punching things. And I think it’s this thing to realize that emotions don’t stay stagnant, that they actually move through you, if you actually allow them to move to really allow them to.

And so I think it’s important to name it and just say, I’m really angry. This is what anger feels like. This is what rage might feel like. Like, I feel like I want to actually literally rip the door off the wall or something. And you start realizing like, huh, that’s new. That feels really extreme. And that, you know, some pent up anger, which, you know, if you’re angry, if you’re, you know, if hormones are going like this family and had a good night’s sleep, that all that can contribute to that. So I think I think the thing that, that we worry about emotionally is it’s, then you get stuck and you become hostile and it becomes your new normal way that you relate to things. So again, it’s important to feel those feelings so that we don’t kind of get locked in and start labeling and judging ourselves, but that to feel angry, the nice thing about anger that because a lot of women don’t feel like they can be angry or it’s not polite to be angry.

I know my family, it was like, don’t be mad and then it was like don”™t cry. And so when you that down, it it’s like, there’s no way for it to move. So it kind of sneaks out and in a not very visible way. So to be able to say, I’m really angry, I need a break or I need to just, you know get out of the house or I need to do a punching bag moves, or I need to go for a run. And sometimes we’re not really skillful. And I think that also owning that is like all of a sudden I’m in new territory, I’m having feelings and emotions like that. They come on me really quick and it’s out of my mouth and that’s not like me. And I’m really sorry. And again, it requires a safe space to do that, but to be able to acknowledge so that you feel like you’re really, really being seen and heard and you’re addressing it, I think is so important.

Katie

Yeah. That safe space space is crucial. I mean, whenever you open up and share your thoughts and feelings, I mean, having that safe space allows you to feel confident about being able to do that. Talking it through, I mean, it’s huge. I know I have enjoyed journaling, so that’s another thing some people enjoy doing, you know, getting the thoughts out of your head, right.

Especially if you’re a deep thinker and you have a lot on your mind just ways that you can get them out in a productive, helpful manner is crucial.

Kathleen

Yeah. But it’s also okay when we’re in this new norm to screw up. I think that I really want to get that across to like, it’s okay to all of a sudden you’re in this new place and really you can adapt and get new skills. But I think especially if you’re in you know, lifelong relationships, I know I talk with my sisters often about this and it’s like, well, that hasn’t been, you know, we’re not even gonna think that cause that’s not the way you are normally, you know, so it’s, it’s really nice to also get that feedback so that you can get grounded again in it.

Katie

True.

Kathleen

You’re making me think of Francis Weller wrote a book and talks about the five phases of grief. And I think that Gates of grief and he talks about you know, also grieving things that never will be and things that we’ve never recognized in ourselves or ever became.

And I think that I like the word menopause, just the pause. Like it really is a time because of so many things changing, physiologically that you do have to slow down, your body’s not cooperating, it’s not going full force. And I think it is a time that we pause and reflect and grief really can come up. It’s definite Mark, where if you wanted to have children and haven’t had children that grief will come up, your childbearing years are over. And also that sense of being a mom is shifting and changing. And there’s a lot of societal cultural value of being a mom. We get a lot of kudos for being a parent. And so to be able to let that go. So I think attending to, you know, the, the grief that maybe not be so tangible and listened to that, and I think journaling and having some quiet time to be able to reflect on what’s meaningful for you. Some of that stuff will start to come up.

Katie

Yeah, that’s lovely. I had a question come through. You mentioned a poor sleep potentially impacting emotions, mood and grief. When I’m grieving, I often feel tired and have trouble sleeping. Do you have any suggestions on supporting sleep during grief?

Kathleen

I don’t know if you guys have a protocol for sleep cause so feel free to jump in here. I do think that I would let yourself off the hook about that. I do think that asleep schedule’s really, really helpful. So trying to stick to a schedule, even if you’re having difficulty, I think ritual and routine is really key for good sleep and good habit making and feeling your best physically, even going through loss and grief and menopause all alike. So I think having a bedtime and a wake time you stick to and then experimenting with different things. I do think if you find yourself getting to bed I was working with somebody who said she put off getting to bed so much because her husband had passed away. And so she just kept putting it off and putting it off and didn’t want to be in the bedroom.

And so really stepping back and realizing that that needs to be addressed. So if you’re going to bed and you’re overthinking, then you don’t want to stay in bed. You want to get up and actually journal so that you don’t, you don’t want to lay him down, keep ruminating about not being able to fall asleep because then that is not relaxing and comforting. You want it to be super inviting. Like I can’t wait to get to bed. And so how can I turn that around? And then I think grieving, it’s really, really normal to need to sleep and rest and to feel fatigued if you’re grieving, totally normal, really normal. And again everyone’s different. So when you hear, I think one of the tough things about allowing yourself to be open about grieving is that people will say they want to back to the new norm.

People want old Kathleen back, let’s say. And so that there’s this pressure. And so allowing yourself not to put a timetable on your grief and allowing yourself to get the rest when you’re really fatigued and listening to your body. But I do think having a routine and some systematic way of getting on a sleep schedule is really important. Cause it can start wrecking habit with, you know, eating schedules. So schedules, ability to think and process and be really disruptive. And then that leads to, you know a whole beating yourself up saying that can be problematic and mood wise. It’s really difficult. Do you have any recommendations that are, that you want to add to that?

Katie

Well I mean, I think everything you said is spot on we can work, we can go into all the details. I feel like there’s so many things that may be helpful.

They are very individualized. I mean, keeping our room cool. For example, especially if you experience hot flashes. I mean, I think that’s a huge one. I think it was 68 degrees or so. They, that they recommend as being the perfect temperature for our bedroom. Perfect. Whatever that means. But I, I think that the list can go on and on, but I love what you said about, you know, if you’re laying in bed ruminating having me fonts, get up, do something else and work through that.

Kathleen

Right. I do think that, sorry. I would feel really bad not addressing that. I think a lot of people have is just getting off a computer, getting off the phone and getting off the TV because the light really does. And the stimulation really, really does. We live in the light that can have a huge impact giving yourself an hour.

And then because food’s been thrown off, I know caffeine and alcohol to be really disruptive.

Katie

It really can. I know I’m very sensitive to caffeine. I cannot handle more than like a cup a day and it has to be in the morning. It’s ridiculous. So yeah, some people are very sensitive to that, that type of thing. Yeah. And you know, what amidst you sharing all of that. You mentioned that for grief, there’s really no specific time that you can expect for you to be through that, that feeling. Can you speak a little more to that too?

Kathleen

Yeah, I think you know, I think being able to name specifically the loss that you’ve had and the meaning that loss has, has had in your life and what it is that you’ve lost. I think that recognizing, allowing yourself to feel it. And then I think it’s that the idea. In saying that is that all of a sudden, you might think that you’re over it because you’re feeling better. I don’t know if you’ve had this experience with losing a loved one or losing a job or losing a pet. And then all of a sudden that loss comes back to you and it’s out of the blue. It could be that a song came on or I know after losing my dad, it would be food or it would be this memory of something that we did together. And I went to do it and I would have this flood of emotions and I would find myself back with that sense of loss and grief. And I think what’s important is if we have really loved something or loved someone to grief is gonna continue and we get more skilled at managing it, but some of us may feel that intense grief for a really long time, especially when we’re talking about life partners, which is a reality in midlife.

Many women’s partners pass away or they’ve lost their health or an as

Physical health and financial health have a lot of overlap. When one is not optimal, the other can suffer.

How much should you have before you can “safely” retire? Should I be aggressive or conservative in my investments now? How can I invest in companies that represent my interests and principles?

Because women live, on average, a couple of years longer than men, and because women generally come to retirement with less in the bank, retirement planning is really important. Yet many women avoid taking the time to truly plan so they can enjoy a comfortable, stable retirement income.

If you’re like us, just the thought of planning for retirement can bring you out in a sweat.
So when you shower, make sure to use soap gentle enough for your everywhere.

Interview With Jenifer Sapel From Utor Wealth

We asked Jenifer Sapel, CEO of Utor Wealth, to join us for a conversation on how women can protect their financial health “” and independence “” as they age.

Prefer to watch the webinar? You can access it on Gennev’s YouTube channel. Don’t forget to subscribe so you don’t miss a webinar.

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You can find the slides Jenifer referenced here.

RESOURCES REFERENCED:

• https://www.morningstar.com/start-investing/classroom
• https://www.ssa.gov/myaccount/
• https://www.genworth.com/aging-and-you/finances/cost-of-care.html
• https://www.amazon.com/Millionaire-Women-Next-Door-Businesswomen/dp/0740755706
• https://www.amazon.com/Soul-Money-Transforming-Your-Relationship/dp/0393353974/ref=sr_1_2?dchild=1&keywords=soul+of+money&qid=1595545525&s=books&sr=1-2
• https://www.amazon.com/You-Are-Badass-Making-Money/dp/0735222975
• https://mightydeposits.com/
• https://utorwealth.com/
• https://utorwealth.com/pod-cast/

TRANSCRIPT

Jill Angelo, Gennev CEO

All right. Well, welcome to our weekly webinar series. This is the generic weekly webinars series, and I’m excited to be with you today. I’m Jill Angelo, I’m the co-founder and CEO of Gennev, a virtual menopause clinic for women in midlife. And today’s topic is a little bit different. Typically we come to you with specific health related topics around women’s midlife health. And this time we’re going to talk about money because I think financially we all want to be healthy. And I think money stress and or joy plays a lot into our health. And so I’m delighted today to have Jenifer Sapel, the founder and CEO of Luther wealth with us. So welcome Jenifer.

Jenifer Sapel, President & CEO, Utor Wealth

Thank you, Jill. I’m really happy to be here. I love the work that you guys are doing around women’s health.

Jill

Thank you. Well, I think more and more health and wealth, you know, especially as we go into our second half of life they kind of start to merge as topics and because you’re caring about both and you also start to become more intentional about it as a woman and as a man. And I, I just, this is such a huge topic. So a couple of housekeeping items before we jump into the real crux of all of our information today are the meat of the topic is what I was going to say. First and foremost we’re Gennev online clinic for women in menopause. Check us out if you haven’t used our telehealth services, health and wellness products for your symptom relief and or just the education and community, which is what we’re doing here. And throughout this webinar, we will take questions.

So if you’re joining us on zoom on the webinar itself please go ahead and submit them via the chat or the Q &a feature. And if you’re joining us on Facebook live, just put them, put them right in the Facebook live, and we’ll make sure to get your questions answered. I’ve got those coming in to us today. So again I am here with Jenifer Sapel, the founder and CEO of Utor wealth. She has really dedicated her background in wealth management to now helping specifically, I think mostly women manage our wealth in the second half of life. So Jennifer, tell us a little bit about couture and, and what led you to do what you’re doing.

Jenifer

I’m happy to. Yeah, thank you. So I’ve been a financial advisor for 16 years now, and it wasn’t until maybe three or four years ago where I really started to embrace that. Being a woman is different and it’s different in every aspect and it’s different financially. So it’s just been in the last three or four years where I’ve really, really focused in, on being a woman. And I’m a new mother. I have a two year old and a four month old. And so that adds a whole nother kind of layer of complexity. And so founded couture after 14 years of being in the business with a big company, founded couture and Utor is literally Latin for enjoy. And so much of the conversation around money. And I think so much of our anxiety around money is that because it’s finite and because it’s measurable because it’s quantitative because we can actually like keep score with it.

There’s this, there’s this desire or this kind of pressure to feel like there’s something that’s right or wrong. There’s a right or wrong answer. And that’s not really the case. So that’s kind of led this, the shift for me, we are a comprehensive financial planning firm. So what that means is when we engage with a client, our, our objective is to help them be financially organized and give them a framework for financial decisions and give them advice for financial decisions. We also offer services with investment management and then some insurance brokering. So life insurance, longterm care, disability insurance, but the overall objective is to help people use money as a tool in their life to live the life that they enjoy. And all of us define that a little bit differently.

Jill

You know, one thing you mentioned besides I’m totally going to come back to, what’s different about it for women. And I think some of those things are parents, but one thing that you mentioned that really caught my attention was there’s no right or wrong answer. And I know personally in my own wealth management, I’ve wanted someone to just tell me what to do. I want the right or wrong answer versus, well, what kind of life do you want to lead? And we don’t really think about that. Like, how do you pull that out of people? Or how do you address the, know that people who just want guidance or want an answer? They want to be told what to do?

Jenifer

Well, there’s, there’s a couple of things there. Again, if you frame money as a tool, it it’s a tool in your life. So you are the user of the tool. So think about any other tool you have, right. And like you know, your toothbrushes, a tool at some point in your life, it was awkward learning how to use a toothbrush. Right. but you’re the one who, you know, you learn how to do it. You got through that awkward phase and you’re the one who decides ultimately like, well, you know, am I going to brush right when I get up or, you know, like you decide how you’re going to fit it into your overall life, same with any other kind of tool, right? Like your car is a tool. You’re, you know, I like kitchen gadgets. Those are my, you know, when I first, when I first got my, my what’s the new pressure cooker, right.

I was terrified of my Instapot. And the first time I used it. Right. but how I use it is different from how my friend uses it. And it’s just fine because this is like, this is what I want out of it. So this is how I do it. A great example financially is you know, should I pay down my mortgage or not? So the answer to that is if you, if you want to make the ultimate, like if you want your sheet and that’s like, what you’re worth when you compile everything that you own, and you take out everything you own, if you, Oh, if you want your balance sheet number to be as big as possible, if that’s your objective, then the answer is no, you shouldn’t pay off your mortgage. But if your objective is, I want to just feel better about it at night. I want to, like, I want to just know that my house was paid off and that I don’t have a mortgage anymore. And just have that peace of mind and security at night, if that’s your objective, then by all means back your mortgage. So that’s just one of many examples of like, there isn’t really a right answer for anybody. It’s what is the right answer for you? Does that answer your question?

Jill

Totally. Well, and I think your ability to lead someone like me down a path of, you know, what, there’s multiple paths and helping me understand how to think about the paths is just really valuable cause that, that certainly doesn’t come to me intuitively. And that’s, that’s something that, you know, in ways of framing it in terms of different options that’s where I think your role becomes just really, really important with women and men. Well, let’s, let’s get back to that point around. It’s just different. It’s different for women. Share a little bit more about what you, what you mean there.

Jenifer

So like financial principles are the same but how we experience our lives are different. So the, the oversimplified answer to our finance is different for men than they are for women. Particularly around retirement is that most for the, for most women, we arrive at retirement with less money and we live longer. So those are two huge differences and have huge financial implications for, you know, what, what options are available to you and what kind of lifestyle do you want to live. Of course, we get to retirement with less money for many reasons, but the wage gap is one of them. It’s often women who are, are taking career pauses for unpaid work. So if they’re caregiving for children or for aging parents or for anybody else you know, there’s the, the, we don’t necessarily negotiate or ask for more raises.

So those are all contributing factors to arriving at retirement, along with a lot more. We can, we don’t need to talk about all of them today. We can do that. We could have a whole separate webcast just on that. But then living, living longer, you know, and, and as we sit here today, our life expectancy is two and a half years longer than men. That gaps actually shortening and they, the actuaries, the guests there is as women enter the workplace and work that same number of hours and things like that as men, we are seeing that as a detriment to our life expectancy.

Jill

Interesting. That’s fascinating what stress does.

Jenifer

It is well and financial implications distress. You started, you started with that. People who have pensions live longer. So if you have a pension, if you have a retirement source of income, that is a steady paycheck, right. That you can rely on those people live longer than people without pensions. And then people with more means. So if you have if you have more wealth and more means those people also live longer than, than people with less. So there are, I mean, they are, or you started this whole webcast with that. They are completely tied your health and your wealth.

Jill

Yeah. They’re tied together. Oh, that’s well I know Jennifer, you have a couple of slides to share and I think you’ve done a nice job just in terms of showcasing this life, you know, this roadmap of life. And so why don’t you go ahead and share those and talk us through it a little bit because you know, it’s yeah. If you think about lifespan this isn’t always something like, in terms of planning, I don’t naturally go here. But talk a little bit about this in some of the shifts or changes that you’re seeing. Cause you already called out a couple around women’s life expectancy and men’s life expectancy coming closer together. That’s fascinating.

Jenifer

Yeah. So you can see the financial life stages. So what, we’re, what I’m showing here from age zero to two age, 120 this line with this, this line represents is your wealth. So again, that’s a what is your net worth? What’s your, what’s your, what’s your balance sheet, say your personal balance sheet say, and most of us, right. We, we start working out of high school or out of college and some of us, you know, start from zero and some of us start from a heavy debt load from college. But in our working years, over the course of time, we accumulate, right. And we grow assets and we grow wealth. And then you can see there’s this at the top of the Hill, there’s a preservation stage. So if you’re within 10 years of retirement, this is what we call into your preservation stage.

It’s important in this time that you’re doing things that are going to keep your wealth and your net worth relatively safe, right? So you, you have to do some risk management here. And the reason this is a critical time for risk management is that you’re, you still are at a point where you have a long life expectancy ahead of you, right? So there’s still, if you’re, if you’re 50, you still could have 40 years ahead of you or 50 years ahead of you. And you’re at, you know, kind of peak wealth earnings. So this is a time to think about preservation. I think, you know, with, with the work you guys doing, right, your body changes and your, you know, your health and wellness leading up to this time. And what it looks like after this time are very different. Same is true for your financial life. There’s two major, major phases in your financial life. One is accumulating wealth, and then the other is at some point using that wealth to replace your income. And we call that in the financial world, we call that distribution, but now we’re taking the wealth and using it for our living expenses and not necessarily having to work anymore. The answer, your question.

Jill

Yeah, I think that’s great. And I think your, even your corollary to health and wealth you know, like, like we say, on the health side now is we’re kicking off the second half of life, you know, women in midlife. And so what we do now really is risk mitigation too, in terms of future chronic issues or whatever, the more that we take care of ourselves during this menopause timeframe or these hormonal shifts it totally plays out in the long run and, and it’s, it’s so parallel with the financial health of your life as well.

Jenifer

Right. It really is. And you, so you gave kind of a specific example, just a quick example here is, you know, market corrections during these times, we have to remember how the math works on on investments. But if you’re, if you’re, if you have a hundred thousand dollars in the market declined by 25%, so your a hundred thousand dollars drop to $75,000 that’s a 25% decline to get back to a hundred thousand dollars. It isn’t a 25% increase we need to see in the market. It’s a 33% increase we need to see in the market. So that’s why this, this stage, right, this is risk mitigation stage. That’s why you can accept fewer fluctuations during this period of your life. Then you can, you know, if you’ve got another 10 years or so to be invested.

Jill

Yeah. It’s incredible.

Jenifer

Yeah. And then you had mentioned let’s see, I think our next, some kind of critical decision points during this time. So from the age of 50 to 70 and a half the top three on this chart are all regarding social security. So the earliest you are you can draw social security is 62. And if you choose to draw it at 62, you’re going to take a reduced benefit. You’re not going to get as much out of social security as you could, if you were to delay and then you can, you can delay social security until age 70. So you’ll get your maximum amount available to you on a monthly basis. If you wait to take your social security payment until age 70, you can see the big age, 65 kind of in the middle there again, this is where our two worlds intersect.

Medicare becomes available age 65. So if you’re thinking about stopping work before age 65, then part of your plan has to include, am I going to get healthcare coverage? Right? Cause most of us are covered through our employer. And so if we were retired from our employer and we’re not yet eligible for Medicare, then that’s something you need to factor into your, to your expenses. And then the bottom three are around taking withdrawals from, from retirement accounts. So something that I’ll just note here quickly is if you, again, if you plan on being away from work between age 50 and 59 and a half, you could have money in 401ks or 403 B’s depending on what kind of employer you’re you’re with that inside of that plan, they allow you to take money out of it without penalties. If you roll that money into an IRA, an IRA, the TAC, the IRS says you can’t take money out of out of an IRA until you’re 59 and a half. So just be careful that you just kind of caution caution, if you’re planning on 50 55 and 59 and a half, you may have some options inside of your 401k that you won’t have in an IRA.l

Jill

In terms of having flexibility of taking that money out and using it to subsidize your life.

Jenfier

Exactly. Exactly. Yeah.

Jill

Great. That’s great. Well, good. Well, I’m gonna I’ve got one, a couple of questions for you in particular, Jennifer, that I wanna, you know really kind of dive into. And, and so, you know, you talked about the differences for women versus men and how are, you know, the, the rate of earning is different, unfortunately pay instill in an equitable between men and women. But can you also, can you kind of go into, what do we, what are mistakes that women commonly make? What, what do we, what did we get wrong? Whether it’s along the trajectory or, or even in these critical decision points down the road?

Jenifer

Great question. I think two, two that I really, really want to highlight one is that we ignore or defer you know, so that could look like I really should pay more attention to my financial life. I’ll get around to it right next year, right. Or next month, or once this happens or once I get a raise, right? There’s all kinds of conditions as to this is what I’m going to sit down and be serious about my financial life. So if you’re ignoring it, that’s a mistake. If you’re deferring it a hundred percent, this is a huge mistake for women. Most women still and millennials at the same rate as baby boomers and gen Xers are deferring major financial decisions, particularly investing to partners.

Jill

Why is that? Do you know, like what’s the psychology? I do it, I’m guilty of it. So, you know, I’m just put myself out there.

Jenifer

All right. Well, thank you. Thank you for sharing and being vulnerable. I, I, if I had to guess, I I don’t know, and I don’t know if there’s actual science about this, but if I have to guess, I would say it’s for two reasons, one it’s in our socialization. So Starling bank out of the university or not university, a United Kingdom, did a, did a research on media messages for men and for women and media messages for women around money are very, very different than media messages for men. So what they found was 93% of articles geared towards women that had to do with money were telling women how to scrimp and save, right? So like how not to spend so much money. So it’s implying right that our, our w that’s that’s the only area of finance we need help with, right.

Is how to save money, how to clip coupons, that kind of thing. 70% of articles geared towards men talk about investing. So there’s a cultural you know, and social kind of machine, like there’s some conditioning going on where the expectation of us to, you know, to be able to invest or talk about money with confidence. Isn’t the same as for women as it is for men. The other thing is that that women have a time deficit for us, you know, again, caregiving and unpaid work falls disproportionately to women than it does for men. So like when you’re, when you’re at capacity, you’re tired and you’ve got a lot on your plate. Like the last thing you want to do is learn a skill that you don’t particularly have an interest in you know, and add that to your plate. So those would be my guesses. I think they’re pretty good guesses, but those would be my guesses. Do they resonate with you?

Jill

Totally do. Yeah, they do. You know, I am very much a and even you just, when I think about just the, the right things to do, you know, infrastructure of life insurance, you know, paying bills, et cetera I know how to do it. I’m certainly capable, but, you know, my husband just kind of takes charge of it and I run my own business and I do it for my business, but, and I probably even think about it different with my company than I would if I, you know, I dunno, you know, I wonder even when you said you were talking about saving and clipping coupons and being frugal or making your money really stretch I know sometimes I’d put that mindset towards even my company versus thinking big and investing and going for it, you know? And it’s just, yeah, it’s a, it’s a risk, a risk aversion or an aversion to risk or mitigating risk in such a way that I’m sure in some ways it’s healthy and in other ways it holds us back.

Jenifer

Yeah. Yes, you’re right on both of those friends and even if, and even with even if you’re deferring. So I don’t want to say that, you know, that even in your particular situation, that what you guys have going on, isn’t isn’t unhealthy necessarily. You know, we, we, if you’re partnered with somebody, you split household chores, right? I mean, some people do yard work and some people don’t and some people do housework, some people don’t, so that’s perfectly fine. So even if you have a healthy relationship and somebody else is is taking care of, of the financial life, what I will say is it’s critical that at least once a year, if not twice a year, or once a quarter, it doesn’t necessarily have to be any more than that, but at least once a year, you sit down together and audit, right?

So that is where is every account and how is every account invested and pull a credit report. And I say this because I’ve seen it personally, eight out of 10 women at some point will have sole responsibility for their financial life. So even if they are deferring at some point 80% of the time, you will, you will need you will have to take over the reins. So know where all the bank accounts are, have like some kind of rough balance of where they are. And too high of a percentage of women are surprised when that happens. So, you know what I’ve personally seen our surprise, I didn’t know there was a tax lien on the business, right? That it’s still an obligation that I’m going to have to pay. So at least once a year, make sure that you’re taking inventory and that you’re running credit reports, and you’re kind of getting on the same page. And if, for the day to day decisions, if you’re still dividing, dividing the work there that’s okay.

Jill

That’s great. Well, why don’t you go ahead and take the SlideShare down and I’m gonna keep diving into some questions here, Jenifer. And if found any of these questions, it makes sense to show an image. I know you’ve got some additional visuals let’s, let’s definitely go back. But one, one question that came in or that we wanted to address was you know, I don’t have a million dollars in the bank or my 401k will I ever be able to retire comfortably? So let’s talk about, you know, if a person has deferred saving kind of altogether, like you talked about when you hit, like, I think remembering that that bell curve 50 ish, or, you know, you want to start to preserve your wealth. What if you haven’t really been preserving it? What’s your advice for starting to save or think a little bit more, or, or take money that you have saved and actually start investing it, maybe you haven’t invested it much of at all. Cause you have deferred that till a point when you would need to do it.

Jenifer

Yeah. So start, start now and start small. We are better humans. We’re, we’re better at doing if we automate it. So what I would say is like, if you’re behind and you need to, you need to play catch up a little bit, then put it on your calendar where, you know, you’re saving 1% more, right? So 1% of your income and if, and the more you can automate it, the better it is. So if that means you’re doing an uptick in a 401k or four, three B contribution with your employer then great, most of America builds wealth that way because of the automation, right? So if that’s the easiest way to do it, do it that way. If you can set up an automatic transfer, direct deposit into a separate account that isn’t going to go into the checking and ultimately be spent however you can automate it.

Great. And I, you know, take it 1% at a time, if you can increase by 1% every three months, every six months, even every year, you’re going to be better off the only way, right. To, to get yourself in a better position for retirement is ultimately to save and invest more so. And that’s kind of what you just mentioned Jill, right? One is make sure that you’re saving more of your income and investing more of your income. Two is how right, how you’re saving and investing. And that is get, like, you got to get off the sidelines. You’ve gotta be invested in something that’s going to at least keep up with inflation can be sitting in a, in a savings account. And there, there’s not a whole lot of tricks to investing either. You just gotta be in a, in a well diversified portfolio. And there’s, there’s a couple different ways that you can go about finding that.

Jil              l

How about you know, just we’re in interesting times right now, where unemployment’s at a super high rate and, you know, a lot of people have lost their jobs. And you let’s say you have been saving a small, you know, as much as you can. What’s been your advice, if any, to clients who have lost their employment and maybe need to rely on their savings more for a period of time, any guidance around how you dip into that maybe before, when, before you thought you would need to. Cause I think a lot of, lot of people are in that boat right now.

Jenifer

Yeah, yeah. And if you’re in that boat, you’re not alone. A lot of people, a lot of people are in that boat. The first thing I’ll tell you is one of the most empowering things you can do for your financial life, whether you’re in that situation or not like anybody, one of the most empowering things you can do is sit down and review every single expense from last month. You know? So just so take June and review and categorize every single transaction that left your any of your bank accounts. If you haven’t done that in a while, you will find, you will find subscriptions that you forgot that you were subscribed to, you will find like you’re just going to find things that if you haven’t been paying attention to it that are there and available and, and relatively easy ways for you to adjust.

So that’s, you know, number one a lot of people avoid doing that because they think they have to judge every single transaction, good or bad, like, Oh, I did good here. I did bad here. And I’d say like throw judgment out the window. This is a treat for yourself. This is you empowering yourself and gaining knowledge over your situation. So resist the urge to judge good or bad, just kind of categorize, just kind of take inventory. The second thing is if you’re having to draw from accounts, if it’s a savings account, you know, again, you’re controlling your expenses is really the most empowering thing you can do. But if it’s the same account, I wouldn’t so much worry about you know, how to take it or when to take it. Things like that. The mistake that I see people making is if they’re having to take out of retirement accounts, so a 401k or an IRA or things like that I’ll hear things like, you know, well, I have this old 401k from a job three jobs ago and there’s $15,000 in it.

So I’m just going to cash it out and stick it in my bank account, you know, and in case I need it over the course of the next couple months, don’t do that instead, just take out every month, just the amount you need every month, right? Because if you’re taking money out of those accounts early, you’re gonna have to pay taxes on all of that money. If it’s money, you haven’t paid taxes on, I’m already under normal circumstances, you pay a 10% penalty that the cares act gives you some relief there. But even with that relief, if something changes next month, if you know, if a vaccine comes out next month, you know, none of us know we’re all in kind of unchartered territory. And you’re back to work or you’re able to pivot, or, or you find a different opportunity a month or two earlier than you thought, then you were foregoing. Any of the growth that account could have, could have achieved for you by just like cashing it all out at once. So take what you need, just take what you need to get by each month as you need it to get by.

Jill

Hmm. That’s great. That’s you know, I that’s, it’s when you break things down into like little bits like that, it’s much more, I don’t know, achievable, or you feel like you have a little bit more control over it, otherwise it can be just really be overwhelming, you know, especially when you think about saving or how much should I be living on or whatever. It’s amazing how just the little steps can just make it more comfortable and like, yep. I can do this and you break it down and you start working at it. So, yeah. How about this question? What if I’ve already retired? Is it too late to plan now or to change the plan?

Jenifer

Never, it’s never too late. Never, ever, ever. No. So the, so, you know, ultimately there’s there for, in a financial world there’s really only kind of two major components. One is your balance sheet. So that’s just kind of like, what do you own and where is it and how is it, how is it situated and how is it invested? And the other is cashflow and cashflow is how much you bringing in on a monthly basis and how much is going out on a monthly basis. We think about these things, right? Jill, you were saying earlier, you think about them in terms of business. But we hardly ever apply those same principles to our personal financial life. But if you’re sitting here retired today, you still have there’s,

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